The New, Beautiful, Loud Final Fantasy VII Remake Trailer Answers a Lot of Questions

Look, we know we say this a lot, but seriously, the Final Fantasy VII Remake trailer truly has to be seen (with the sound turned all the way up) to be believed. It’s big, it’s bloated, and it has the attention span of a gnat, but it’s also the most stupidly beautiful and shamelessly ridiculous thing you’ll see all day. Trust us.

The new Final Fantasy VII Remake trailer is the hottest club in town. It has everything:

  • Aerith and Tifa persuading/bullying Cloud into doing drag to fight Don Corneo.
  • Confirmation that it’s “Aerith” in the new game and not “Aeris”.
  • The Don voice-actor’s perfectly sickening delivery of, “Shimmy on over and give daddy some sugar!”
  • Some truly horrible puns (The following exchange happens while parachuting: “Feels like we’re flying high these days!” “But now, more than ever!”)
  • Jessie and Biggs being so, so happy before they die so, so horribly*.
  • *We assume, anyway, since they disappear early on in the original game. But there’s so much here that’s different that we honestly don’t know! And it is exciting!
  • Delightful trash Reno.
  • Sexy-voiced Rude.
  • TSENG.
  • THOSE EYES.
  • A bizarre lack of interior detail considering how messy and bright the Midgar slums are.
  • Early summons!
  • GLORIOUS HD HAIRCUTS.

Final Fantasy VII Remake comes out March 3, 2020 worldwide.

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