The Many Ways Tor Books Tries to Get Me to Read About Dragons

Hey, Chris.

HEY.
What is it, Tor Books?
You wanna read some stories with dragons?
Not right now, thanks.
Okay, well how about these they’re not about dragons at all.

*  *  *

Check this out, Cecelia Holland just wrote it.

Dragon Heart Cecelia Holland
There is a dragon right on that cover. There are two!
Don’t worry about that. The story is actually about a Queen who keeps killing suitors that the Emperor blindly sends her.
That sounds like a story that cartoon Anne Brontë would write.
This is a bad thing how?

*  *  *

Yo Chris you liked Dragon Heart, right? Don’t lie we saw you reading it, now try Dragon Coast it’s also new.

Dragon Coast Greg van Eekhout

But I just read about dragons.
Nah nah nah this one’s actually about people in California who eat bones to gain magic powers.
Like…people eating bones of other people in modern day California?
Yeah, Greg van Eekhout is sick. And this is like the third book in the series too, he may not be well but he’s really fun at parties so there’s that.
Cool. I’ll give it a shot.
You know what else has bones?

Dragons.
Okay…
Like in this book, maybe.

*  *  *

Hey you know that thing you got against dragons?
What about it?
Look Marc Turner hates them too, his next book is called Dragon Hunters whaaaaaat.

Dragon Hunters Marc Turner

That’s hardcore.
Well his first book was called When the Heavens Fall so I think we’re in for nonstop hardcore fantasy.
This has dragons in it, doesn’t it?
Yeah but maybe they’re symbolic did you consider that ever?
Are they symbolic?
Nah.

*  *  *

Okay let’s meet halfway. How about an anthropological fantasy series about how the dragons died out?
I’m listening…
With BONUS bad-ass Todd Lockwood covers full of dragon anatomy.

Todd Lockwood cover Natural History of Dragons Marie Brennan

You promise there are no dragons?
No dragons. Just diagrams of them.
Cool.
And maybe kind of a lot of actual dragons.
ARGH.

*  *  *

There’s definitely no dragon in this one. It’s just a bedtime story being told to a little girl in Westeros.

Ice Dragon Luis Royo art

Art by Luis Royo

I don’t believe you.
Fine more dragons for us, then.

Dragons are awesome.

*  *  *

Dude.
Grmph.
Dude that book straight up says The Dragon Reborn on it and we know you love it.

Dragon Reborn Robert Jordan Wheel of Time

Yeah but there’s no dragons in it.
Except the ones he eventually gets tattooed on his arms.
Enh.
And the flying lizards that the Seanchan use.
Those are called raken, actually.
That’s like saying “That dragon isn’t a dragon it’s a dragon.” In summary: Dragons.

Chris Lough loses this argument every time. Click his name there to see what else he writes about on Tor.com.

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