J.K. Rowling is releasing a new Harry Potter story on Halloween, and apparently the creepiest and/or most holiday-appropriate character she could think of was… Dolores Umbridge.
Yes, Umbridge is the worst—and sure, Rowling makes a good point about her being the only person other than Voldemort to leave a physical scar on Harry—but there are plenty of scares, tricks, or treats we would rather see on Pottermore on October 31.
- The first Halloween after the Battle of Hogwarts, where the ghosts of Fred Weasley, Colin Creevey (because he’s the best), and Tonks and Lupin decide to prank the crap out of everyone.
- Or just Fred haunting George at Zonko’s Joke Shop.
- A Marauders Halloween tale! With Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs in actual costumes.
- Ron finally meets Hermione’s parents when they invite them to the Burrow and Molly Weasley makes it really weird. (There’s your title, right there.)
- Harry and Ginny’s kids want to go trick-or-treating with Muggle children.
- What ghost Hedwig has been up to—mostly scaring away Harry’s new owls.
- A scary adventure set in the Forbidden Forest, especially now that Pottermore has told us more about what lurks in the woods.
- Hagrid playing with his monsters!
- The story of Dudley trying to get his first job.
Check back in to Pottermore on Halloween for 1,700 words (shudder) about how Dolores Umbridge got to be so evil. (Spoiler: She was always evil.)