Say, kids, would you like an ambivalent awful squid-head cosmic beast of your very own? You would? You can make one for yourself or to inspire madness in your enemies. Come on, I’ll show you how!
You will need:
Polymer clay, green and black
A glass jar with a lid
Epoxy or Gorilla Glue
A green highlighter pen
Silver glitter (optional)
Polymer clays often come in small two-ounce slabs. You’ll need one ounce of green and a piece of black about the size of a hazelnut. I guess that’s about a quarter of an ounce. Something like that. Knead each color, independently, to soften and make them workable. Then roll them in your hands to make rod shapes about four inches long. This is not an exact measurement, nor need it be. Press the green and black clays together and gently kneed them, folding now and then, until they are almost, but not quite, mixed. A little remaining black marbling creates a nice effect when it’s underwater later.
Separate the mixed clay into two parts, one slightly larger than the other. A 60/40 split. The smaller portion make into a base, sort of a wide, upside down mushroom shape (as pictured). Take a pinch from the larger portion and roll it into eight or so small tentacles. For the head, I made a sort of mammoth skull shape with two large “tusks” and unnaturally protruding lobes. I’m no sculptor, so believe me when I say this is easily done and you need only your fingers, using fingertips to make the indented eyes.
Next, affix the tentacles to the front of the base. Place the head portion on to the base so that the tentacles are all facing the same direction. Gently pressing your fingertip down along the outside where the two parts meet, join the sections until there’s no visible seam. Lastly, give each tentacle an extra bit of curl. Before you bake it (to harden) make sure your lil’ creature fits into your jar. Adjust as needed.
Baking times vary depending on what brand of polymer clay you’ve used, but your Cthulhu head will need to bake for something like half an hour or so at 275° F. Once the critter is out of the oven and cool enough to be safely touched, coat the bottom of the base with a layer of Gorilla Glue or epoxy. (Household glue will dissolve in water and a glue gun will not make a reliable bond between clay and glass.) Glue the creature to the bottom of the jar and wait until the glue is dry.
Use the ink cartridge from a highlighter pen (I used green but other colors work as well) to color some distilled water. Fill the jar almost to the top with the colored water, adding a teaspoon each of glitter and glycerin if you want it to be like a snowglobe. Glycerin makes the water more viscous, so I recommend it either way. Seal the lid with more glue. Once that’s dry, your hideous and ambiguous beast is complete!
When Jason Henninger isn’t reading, writing, juggling, cooking or raising evil genii, he works for Living Buddhism magazine in Santa Monica, CA.