Enter our Naughty Apocalypse contest for free burlesque tickets and post-apocalyptic fiction!

Last week we told you about Pinchbottom Burlesque’s newest science fiction show, “THE MORNING AFTER: Post-Apocalyptic Burlesque,” which will take place on Saturday, May 16 at 10:30 p.m. at the Bleecker Street Theater in New York. Our primary source of information about the show is the following garbled dispatch from the future, which has been decoded as follows:

INCOMING – FINAL TRANSMISSION FROM EARTH … it is THE MORNING AFTER the apocalypse … A small band of burlesque performers, under the leadership of Nasty Canasta, has survived …. but “Protector” Jonny Porkpie‘s provisional government has banned all forms of nakedness and forced us to become outcasts in a world we never made … we are attempting to rebuild society the only way we can: by taking off our clothes … if anyone out there still believes in the principles of truth, justice, and striptease, find us … find us now … the future nudity of humanity is at stake … find zzzzzzzzxqz …. MESSAGE INTERRUPTED

In order to cultivate a finer appreciation for dystopia (and nudity) among Tor.com’s readers, Pinchbottom kindly offered us a pair of tickets to give away, and John Joseph Adams is sweetening the pot with a copy of his Night Shade Books anthology Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse.

But such cool prizes must exact a toll, so we’re asking our readers to shock and amuse us with naughty puns based on titles or famous lines from dystopic or post-apocalyptic cultural artifacts.

We realize that “naughty pun” is not exactly a technical term, so we encourage you to use your imagination about how to interpret it. But we will throw you a bone and start you off with two examples from Tor.com’s own Steven Padnick: Mad Max: Beyond Thunder Thighs and “A Boy and His Doggie-Style.” For the next 24 hours, try your best to come up with entries as good as or better than those, and then the Tor.com team, Porkpie&Nasty, and JJA will put our heads together and pick our favorites.

One important caveat: since the bulk of this prize is a set of tickets to a live event in Manhattan, we’re going to have to pick the winner from among people who can actually attend said event. However, we don’t want to hamper our community’s creativity, so we’re going to accept non-competing entries from anyone who wants to play. Consequently: if you are a local who can (and wants to) come to the show, please tag your entries with #local. If you’re just punning for fun, please give your comments the #remote tag. Any entries that are not tagged will be presumed to be non-competing.

And now, the aforementioned legal mumbo-jumbo:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. A PURCHASE DOES NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING. To participate in the “Naughty Apocalypse” contest, leave a comment including a caption for the posted image in the comments section below, beginning Wednesday, 13 May, 2009 and ending on Thursday, 14 May, 2009. Winners will be selected on the basis of originality, humor and creativity, each factor applied equally. Open to registered users of Tor.com who are legal U.S. residents 18 years of age and older. Void in Puerto Rico and where prohibited by law. For complete Official Rules, go here. Sponsor: Tor.com, a division of Macmillan, 175 5th Avenue, New York, NY 10010.

Got it? Good. Ready…set…pun!


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