Bad, True Blood, bad!
Now go sit in the corner for a year and think about what you've done.
The season finale of True Blood was so full of awesome, evil cliffhanger goodness, it wasn't until after the end credits rolled that I realized we were kind of cheated out of some closure. Everything and nothing happened, especially to some of our favorite characters.
SOOKIE AND JASON
So her biggest enemy, Russell, is goo and so is her first love, kind of. All in all, Sookie made out pretty well this last episode. She wasn't kidnapped by Warlow, against all logic of a typical True Blood finale. Now she'll be running from two enemies and her closest platonic connections continue to have deep rifts. She's as alone as she started out this season. Her best friend is a vampire and her brother has adopted a completely different, nihilistic, misguided worldview. Sookie and Tara can mend things, I think, but Jason... well, the writers don't know what to do with him. So now he's all right-wing and stuff, hardly any different from Hoyt before him. This is a distressing change for one of the show's most endearing, loyal characters.
Aw. After all of that, Jason rejected her. Jessica's been one of the most consistently good parts of the show. I predict she's going to remain as such and not take the news of Bill's very final transformation sitting down.
He's certainly changed from the smug vampire we first met many moons ago. Eric's the good guy now, can you believe it? He's been looking out for others all season. Well, except for Pam. I enjoyed him explaining to Nora that Tara and Pam were family. Encountering Godric that last time certainly made him appreciate what he's got, but I still would've preferred to see a heart-to-heart between him and his not-so-silent partner of the past few centuries. Pam's only been worrying sick over him all season. Maybe next year they'll get their moment.
Oh, yeah, there was also that little moment where he killed RUSSELL EDGINGTON. Damn. I'm glad Eric finally got his revenge, but I'll miss the charismatic baddie. That was too hasty an exit.
While Eric may have been too busy for a really satisfying reunion, at least Tara was happy to see her. Very happy. I had the exact same reaction to Tara and Pam's kiss as Sookie. “Oh. Okay.” Jessica can say she saw it coming all she wants, but I really didn't. It's a bit... creepy, isn't it? A relationship between a maker and its progeny? We haven't seen a pairing like that before. Correct me if I'm wrong. Yet, aside from Bilith, I'm excited to see Tara and Pam happy. For them, I mean. You can't tell their happy faces from their mad faces. They've instantly skyrocketed to becoming my favorite couple on the show.
SAM AND LUNA
This would be the second-best couple on the show. I like Luna now that she's not being a psycho girlfriend. I loved her and Sam's plan to rescue Emma, especially Sam's brilliantly disgusting end-game. This show loves its naked, blood-soaked people. What happened to the trio once they were reunited? Is Luna alive? Not a very dramatic close when we've already seen this “Did Luna survive?” cliffhanger like seven episodes ago. Big meh.
Bigger meh. Okay, he finally took charge of a pack. And his dad, the original, liquid metal T-1000, Robert Patrick, survived the hour, too. Congrats are in order, but, really, I can only hope this human-supernatural war heats up so the wolves have something to do next year. The quick death of General Bad Motherfucker last week was the second most wasteful death since Roman.
Heyyyyy, sassy minority character does nothing but be sassy. Hope he doesn't get stuck with any wacky fairy babysitter shenanigans next season. I should be thankful that he's not being tortured.
Wow, so I guess Bill really did drink the red Kool-Aid. I'm kind of glad Sookie wasn't able to snap him out of his madness through sheer pluck because that would've been a redemption too corny to stand. How cool was it to see him come back from goo in the style of T-1000? But now we have to adjust to a True Blood where Bill is next season's Big Bad. That's probably the only major development to look forward to next year. (What? Does anyone care about Andy's fairy quadruplets?)
Pam, Tara, Eric, Nora (against all that is right in the world,) Jason, Sookie, Luna, Sam, and Emma are all still in the Authority headquarters and I feel kind of miffed. The last few episodes were a lot of fun, but the first plodding half of the season casts a long, lame shadow. Granted, I enjoyed the time it took to build up Tara and Jason as reinvented characters, to get a glimpse into Pam's past, to see Sookie be single. But the Authority meetings slowed the show down to a crawl. Christopher Meloni was a huge waste of talent. Everything before his death was just wheel-spinning. I wish Roman bit it in the season premiere and Bilith appeared about five episodes ago.
The big cliffhanger felt more arbitrary than in years past. Of course I'm going to come back next summer to see what, if anything, can be done about Bill. Lilith's blood was only dangerous if drank, right? So what power does Bilith have? Is he even corporeal? He must be if Eric and Sookie saw him. Does Bilith recycle? Yeah, I'll definitely need to come back next season.
And with Bilith and the promise of future nudity warning to come, True Blood season five is a wrap. What did you think of the big picture? Where do we go from here?
After back-to-back seasons of Game of Thrones and True Blood, HBO is abandoning all things fantastical for the next few months. Big thanks to all of the regular commenters who have made lemonade from plot-lemons (smoke monsters) and provided some insightful theories and crazily accurate predictions. A round of imaginary Cajun margaritas all around, y'all. See you next year!
Theresa DeLucci is a regular contributor to Tor.com. She covers True Blood, Game of Thrones, and is also an avid gamer. She has also covered tech and TV for Geektress.com and Action Flick Chick. Follower her on Twitter @tdelucci