You must listen to this original song by Rob Cantor, done in the style of a Vincent Price radio drama, about the horrors of encountering superstar actor Shia LaBeouf in the woods. Yes, you heard that right, actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf. Your safety depends on it. (This is a somewhat NSFW song, so headphones on.)
God, this song is so good we’re going to sing it at the next Tor.com Talent Show.
Stubby the Rocket is the mascot of Tor.com and whispers “Shia LeBeouf” at its crew when it’s sleeping.