Dec 13 2010 9:18pm

Trailer Review: Pirates of the Caribbean

Hark ye now this tale of a pirate, the most fearsome pirate in all the seas, a brigand named Sir Jerry of Bruckheimer. This salty dog had been the terror of the seas for nigh onto twoscore years, robbing land-bound “moviegoers” of their day’s wage with such villainy as Con Air and Coyote Ugly. But lo! Such plunder no longer was enough for Sir Jerry. He cared not to own some of the gold...he thirsted for it all.

Uncloaking his true face to an unsuspecting world, the brigand produced a “movie” (think you of the darkest kinds of black magic, with pictures and words and whole illusory worlds) called Pirates of the Caribbean. And then another. And then, the number three being fraught with magic, a third.

But Sir Jerry’s gluttony for gold knew no bounds. He said unto his darkened soul, “I needs must make a fourth.” Look you upon this. If ye be brave, your eye unflinching, your heart hardened to evil. If scribes among you be, leave your thoughts upon this monstrosity (which has not the dignity even to count among its players the maiden Keira Knightley nor the squire Orlando Bloom, though the master mummer Johnny Depp be still at the helm)...

Danny Bowes is a playwright, filmmaker and blogger. He is also a contributor to and

Michael S. Schiffer
1. Michael S. Schiffer
While it looks like it retains from the novel a) a (sub)title, b) pirates, c) Blackbeard, and d) the Fountain of Youth, and nothing else, I'm hoping that the movie draws at least some renewed interest to Tim Powers' excellent novel, On Stranger Tides. (Which is at least in print, something not guaranteed for a book approaching its quarter-century mark.) Anything that gets Powers some sales and attention isn't wholly wasted.

(Beyond that, casting Ian McShane as Blackbeard is a promising choice. Not enough to make me optimistic about a franchise that's been running on fumes pretty much since they decided to make a sequel to the first, but not the sort of obvious stunt-casting misfire I'd expect.)
Soni Pitts
2. sonipitts
Eh, I'll watch it. I know it'll probably suck from a purely quality point of view. But bobdang it if it isn't worth the price of admission to watch Depp chewing through the scenery like a drunken uncle plowing the family Christmas into a hysterical trainwreck of (literally) epic proportions.
Michael S. Schiffer
3. Nentuaby
I'm not certain that the lack of Turners counts *against* #4's dignity. While they were no Anakin and Padme, neither ever had the greatest charisma.

I'm fairly optimistic. I doubt it will be particularly earthshattering, but it looks like it should at least make the same level of popcorny goodness that the last two had, rather than suffer the usual fate of a "#4 in the trilogy."
Michael S. Schiffer
4. Kadere
Looks a million times better than the last two. Getting away from the awful plotting of the last two sequels I think can only benifit. Plus, Penelope Cruz is hot, and they brought Geoffrey Rush back along with Keith Richards. As much as I enjoyed Keira and Orlando, I think we can only gain from losing them.

I wasn't at all looking forward to this unnecessary sequel before the trailer, but now I imagine I'll see it opening day.
Rikka Cordin
5. Rikka
I am wavering between seeing it without paying for it (either torrentz or movie hopping and don't try judging, let's be real here) and getting tarted up and seeing it at midnight opening night because, honestly....

Johnny Depp.
Richard Fife
6. R.Fife
I shamelessly say, I don't know if we need a fourth, but I'll surrender my dabloons to Sir Jerry gladly. I'm a sucker for Depp, and a sucker for Jack Sparrow. Yes sah, may I please have anotha?
Bobby Stubbs
7. Valan
I agree with Nentuaby that the loss of Orlando Bloom, and to a lesser extent Keira Knightly, can be nothing but a good thing. I'll also shamelessly admit to enjoying all three prior films, which made up for plot holes, lack-luster acting from some and and an overarching sense of the rediculous with an insane amount of fun. Which is really the point, isn't it?

More Sparrow, please.
Michael S. Schiffer
8. mirana
I will absolutely see it and reserve judgement until after I have done so. I like fantasy, I like Johnny's Jack Sparrow, I like the conceptual stuff, the music, the adventure and what ever corniness comes with it. That trailer seems to give those things, so it will be worth it to me (and I only ever see a handful or less films a yr).

I also enjoyed the first three (yes, three) with the exception of the stupid ending for the Turners. I liked Orlando and Keira just as much as the rest of the support cast, and I don't mind being "uncool" by saying that.

Far, far worse movies have been produced (and made lots of money) than this little bit of Sparrow camp. For those that won't see it, is it even worth complaining about "Sir Jerry’s gluttony"? We should hope any fantasy film does well, since doing otherwise makes the suits think ALL fantasy films are to be dropped.
Bouke de Boer
9. Bouke
I'll watch it. Depp was by far the best thing in the trilogy, this focus could be just the thing this franchise needs.

Replacing Keira with Penelope as female interest is not a bad choice either. Losing Bloom is even better.
Michael S. Schiffer
10. redhead
the lack of the Turner family is a plus for me. Not to mention hoping there is a "based on the novel by Tim Powers" credit line.

after the horrid disaster that was the 3rd movie, I'm happily excited for this one after seeing the trailer.

and did you hear they already green lit movies 5 & 6 and will be filming them back to back? Maybe I read that on Tor. ..
Michael S. Schiffer
11. cranscape
Seems like they stripped all of the bad from the last two and and added in equal amounts awesome. And it looks like there might be a proper story in there somewhere along with the acting upgrade. I'm in. Just don't tell the Captain all the rum was used up at my office Christmas party this weekend.
Michael S. Schiffer
12. Foxessa
The spouse just walked past whilst I was viewing the trailer. "I feel all left out for not getting to be in that movie. They all look like they're having so much fun."

Love, C.
Sandi Kallas
13. Sandikal
I just listened to the fabulous audio recording of Tim Powers' "On Stranger Tides". It's nice to see that he has a credit for the movie, but it doesn't look like it's going to have very much in common with the book.
Michael S. Schiffer
14. Seamus1602
I want to like this movie. I like Depp as Sparrow and enjoyed the first 3 to various degrees. But...

I really, really don't like Penelope Cruz. I'm not sure why that is, but I've come to accept it. And I've certainly seen enough of Depp-Cruz for about 7 lifetimes after seeing Blow.

So, does adding McShane (oh, how I wish Kings wasn't canceled, I loved that show; yes, I said Kings, not Deadwood) make up for adding Cruz? Not yet sure, but I'll probably see this one at some point. The trailer just makes it look like more of the same, which isn't all bad, but doesn't exactly make me want to rush to the theater, either.
Michael S. Schiffer
15. Maren T
To put it mildly, I was very skeptical of this fourth movie of a series that in my opinion should have ended after the second movie — or better yet, after the first. So I didn't want to watch it unless my sister buys the DVD at some point, and even then I'm sure I'd bother. But seeing the trailer has changed my mind; not because I think it will be the "bestest movie EVAH!", but because it looks like it will be an enjoyable watch, and more so than at least the third one.

And I'm pretty confident Johnny Depp's performance will be worth spending my money on a big screen showing anyway.
Michael S. Schiffer
16. RoseG
So J-Brucks is axeing Kira and Orlando to give Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush more screen time to ham it up around several improbable plot points and chew down on impeccably shot on-location scenery...and this is somehow a bad thing?

Where's Genevieve Valentine when you need her...

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