Sep 16 2010 11:00am

Zombie Week Survey: Thursday of the Dead

One way or another, everyone has an opinion on the recent slew of monster mashups that began with the unholy union of Jane Austen, zombies, and ninjas and has been hurtling along ever since, so for today’s edition of our ongoing Zombie Week survey, we had to ask:

Following in the shambling, undead footsteps of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and subsequent mashups, which work of classic or popular literature would you most like to see invaded by ravenous zombie hordes?

Our panel of zombie experts really took this one and ran with it, gleefully inflicting fictional zombies on all kinds of unsuspecting authors, novels, TV shows and movies. Click below the fold to see the delightfully warped results, and please chime in with your own suggestions in the comments...

Julia Sevin: I would like for all of Nicolas Sparks’s characters to be torn limb from limb, eaten up and shat out. (I’m not saying I’d read it, though.) Plus even zombies might not be able to stomach characters that poorly made. I doubt they like cheese.

David Moody: Twilight. Because it’s not scary, it’s not horror, and I’d like to see a flood of zombies descend and wipe out all the sparkly vampires, the puppy werewolves and the miserable teens. Put us all out of their misery.

Carrie Ryan: Watership Down: zombie bunnies.

Sarah Langan: Sophie’s Choice, because I’m sure it would be very tasteful.

Steven Gould: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.  Heck, he can take the year.

Walter Greatshell: Not literature, but I always thought it would be great if one of the TV networks devoted a whole Halloween to zombies, meaning that all of the usual shows—soap operas, sitcoms, dramas—would suddenly be invaded by zombies. Not in a funny way, either, but with the same sense of increasing dread as any good zombie movie. General Hospital besieged by zombies—I might actually watch that. Or The Office under attack, with Dwight becoming the hero of Dunder Mifflin. Somebody in Hollywood should pay me for this stuff...

Paula R. Stiles: Moby Dick! Come on; don’t tell me you don’t want to see a zombie whale.

S.G. Browne: The Wizard of Oz. I think if you replace the Munchkins with zombies, it would make for a much different welcoming committee for Dorothy and Toto.

Matt London: You mean aside from the one from my story in The Living Dead 2? I’d like to adapt a Neil Simon play into a story called “Brighton Beach Zombies.” It would be about old Jewish undead living in Brooklyn, wrought with guilt about the fact that human flesh isn’t kosher.

Or maybe a Raymond Chandler novel. Hardboiled detective zombies. “I was eating a college student on rye when there was a thump at my office door. ‘Oooaaaaghhh…’ I said, which meant Who is it? The thump came again, louder this time, and then a dame shambled into the room. This broad had legs that just didn’t quit until they reached her gnawed-off ankles.

‘Braaaaaaaains….’ she groaned. The broad was hungry. A two-bit ghoul with both eyes dangling out of their sockets could see that. I made her a hand sandwich and asked her what the trouble was. She told me her husband had vanished, and that I needed to find him. Of course, judging from the look on the dame’s face, the best place to look for her husband was in the dame’s stomach.”

Jamie Lackey: Romeo and Juliet. After they commit suicide, they come back and take revenge for their wasted lives. Or Wuthering Heights, but that’s mostly because I wouldn’t mind seeing all of the characters die horrible, horrible deaths.  Jurassic Park for ZOMBIE DINOSAURS. Moby Dick for ZOMBIE WHALES.

Bob Fingerman: I’ve jokingly said I’m going to do Mein Kampf with Zombies. But now that I’ve shared it publically, my motivation has for some mysterious reason been dampened. Go figure.

Kim Paffenroth: Well, I do have one out myself –Valley of the Dead, which retells Dante’s Inferno but with zombies instead of demons and mythological creatures. But let me think. I’m thinking Lord of the Flies right now, where there are zombies on the island. Yeah, that sounds pretty interesting and nasty.

Christopher Golden: I can’t tell, because I might well write it myself. But I can say I’d love to see all of my favorite TV shows do alternate reality episodes where the world is overrun by zombies. House with zombies. Psych with zombies. Friday Night Lights with zombies. Sons of f**king Anarchy with zombies. OMG, imagine the possibilities!

Sean Bieri: Watership Down.

Seanan McGuire (aka Mira Grant): I don’t think specific works are nearly as much fun as general styles and genres. With that being said, Terror Tales from the City would be the touching story of one found family in San Francisco, and their efforts not to eat each other.

Amelia Beamer: The Bible. Except there’s already a guy who rises from the dead.

Catherine MacLeod: Lovecraft’s “The Rats in the Walls.” The zombies wouldn’t stand a chance.

R.J. Sevin: I’m not a fan of this trend at all, and every morning I wake up, slide out of the bed and onto my hairy knees, and offer up this simple prayer: Thanks for my wonderful family, Lord, for my health. And thanks for making sure that the Steinbeck estate retains the copyright on his work. If ever I see some jackass has written Of Mice and Men and Zombies, I’ll probably become an atheist. Amen.

Bridget McGovern thinks modern theater would really benefit from an undead invasion: Equus, with zombie horses. No Exit (Hell is other people...and zombies). Waiting for Godot...and also Zombies. You want to know who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf? (Hint: It’s zombies).

Rob Munnelly
1. RobMRobM
"Yes, Lenny, and we'll live off the fat of the land - literally." I like it. Atheism is cool.

Chris Greenland
2. greenland
"Sophie’s Choice, because I’m sure it would be very tasteful."

Ohhhh, I died laughing. And now am commenting as a zombie.
Scot Taylor
3. flapdragon
Ulysses. "Stately zombie Buck Mulligan came from the gravesite..."
Scot Taylor
4. flapdragon
Better Joyce selection: "The Dead" from Dubliners. "His lost soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the undead."
5. wookiejedi
Frankenstein and Zombies seems completely obvious to me. Victor's first creation was bad enough... but wait till you see his second.
6. C.L. June
"Hamlet the Undead" Something, indeed, is rotten in the state of Denmark...and it's moving.

Hamlet: Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well.
Yorick: groaaaaaaan
7. rscudder
Ten Years After: The Three Musketeers Returned Along with All The King's Men (Musketeers)

Zombies set in the 17th Century - the costumes would be great!

Tattered brocades, rapiers stuck in ribs, and Zombie Cardinal Richelieu masterminding the Zombie army of King's Musketeers. And of course, Constance and Milady as Zombies stalk d'Artagnan, while the bungling Zombie Count of Rochefort and Felton are instructed by the Cardinal to steal revealing jewelry from the Zombie Duke of Buckingham, who is temporarily haunting the water gate entrance to the Château d'If.

When Rochefort and Felton are caught by d'Artagnan through leaving crumbling bits of flesh in a trail from where they met with the Cardinal, the Cardinal denies all. He is locked into an iron mask by order of the Queen, and we see green slime and the occasional eyeball drop as the scene fades away.

A picnic of sweetbreads and fresh blood is then shared by all, as muskets in the distance aim at the Zombies.
8. WickedLinda
Still Life with Zombies
Jitterbug Zombies
Peter Nein
9. gimpols1908
Sex and the Zombie City
or for a show on Cinemax...
Zombie Sex and the City

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