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Keith DeCandido

Fiction and Excerpts [3]
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Fiction and Excerpts [3]

Super City Cops: Avenging Amethyst

, || Amethyst, one of the most renowned and mysterious costumed heroes of Super City, is found dead on a rooftop. Detectives Milewski and Alvarado of the Super City Police Department are assigned to the case—but every answer they turn up just leads to more questions.

Holy Rewatch Batman! “The Funny Feline Felonies” / “The Joke’s on Catwoman”

“The Funny Feline Felonies” / “The Joke’s on Catwoman”
Written by Stanley Ralph Ross
Directed by Oscar Rudolph
Season 3, Episodes 16 & 17
Production code 1715
Original air dates: December 28, 1967 & January 4, 1968

The Bat-signal: Joker, having been paroled—his parole approved by the chairman of the parole committee who is, of course, Bruce Wayne—says his goodbyes to Bruce and Warden Crichton while wearing a very dapper—and very gray—suit. Crichton gives him a $10 bill, and Joker offers him a cigar in return. (Bruce declines, as he doesn’t use tobacco in any form.) To Crichton’s relief, the cigar doesn’t explode.

He’s picked up at the gate by Catwoman in her Catmobile, who holds a gun on him and makes him get in—except, of course, it’s for show, as this was Joker and Catwoman’s plan all along.

[She’s a woman, Robin, with a woman’s in-born desire to outsmart men.]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Star Trek The Original Series Rewatch: “The Terratin Incident”

“The Terratin Incident”
Written by Paul Schneider
Directed by Hal Sutherland
Animated Season 1, Episode 11
Production episode 22015
Original air date: November 17, 1973
Stardate: 5577.3

Captain’s log. The Enterprise is investigating the burned-out supernova Arachna. However, Uhura’s attempt to alert Starbase 23 that they’ve arrived is met with interference from Cephenus, a star that has never emitted radio activity before. The transmission is in Intersat Code, which has been out of use for two hundred years, but it broadcasts the word “Terratin” twice before shutting down.

Kirk goes to investigate. When they enter orbit, a diffuse beam of some sort hits the ship, but it doesn’t seem to have adversely affected their systems. The surface of the planet is crystalline, and is suffering from lava eruptions. There’s also an antenna dish on the planet, and it emits a beam at the Enterprise that engulfs the ship and makes everyone glow.

[I can’t reach the dial I turned five minutes ago!]

Series: Star Trek: The Original Series Rewatch

Holy Rewatch Batman! “The Ogg Couple”

“The Ogg Couple”
Written by Stanford Sherman
Directed by Oscar Rudolph
Season 3, Episode 15
Production code 1705-3
Original air dates: December 21, 1967

The Bat-signal: Once again, Olga rides down the streets of Gotham City with her Cossacks on horseback, Egghead trailing behind on a burro. We only see Egghead, because horses are beyond the means of the third season budget…

They arrive at the Gotham City Museum (clearly labelled, “LOS ANGELES COUNTY HISTORICAL AND ART MUSEUM,” cough cough) where they keep the Silver Scimitar of Taras Bulbul, which is only to be pulled out of the golden Egg of Ogg that it’s embedded in by the rightful queen of the Cossacks. Olga yanks out the scimitar (which only comes loose after Egghead applies some Egg of Ogg Acid), while Egghead keeps the golden egg.

[Cossack without victory dance is like egg without salt.]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Star Trek The Original Series Rewatch: “Mudd’s Passion”

“Mudd’s Passion”
Written by Stephen Kandel
Directed by Hal Sutherland
Animated Season 1, Episode 10
Production episode 22008
Original air date: November 10, 1973
Stardate: 4978.5

Captain’s log. The Enterprise is pursuing Harry Mudd to the Arcadian system, specifically the planet Motherlode, where Mudd is peddling a love potion to the heavy-metal miners down there. Motherlode is outside Federation jurisdiction, but when Spock exposes his love potion as a fake—the “woman” he used as a model was actually a Rigellian hypnoid—he turns himself in rather than face the wrath of the miners.

Mudd explains that he managed to escape the robot planet in a “borrowed” ship, sold Starfleet Academy to the Illyrians (which is how he got on the Federation’s radar), then discovered the love potion on Sirius IX, but when he sold the potion to the Sirians, they all got sick, which Mudd blames on the Sirians’ biochemistry.

[“The probability of his presence on Motherlode is eight-one percent, plus or minus .53.” “Why can’t you just say, ‘Mudd’s probably there?'” “I just did, Doctor.”]

Series: Star Trek: The Original Series Rewatch

Holy Rewatch Batman! “Catwoman’s Dressed to Kill”

“Catwoman’s Dressed to Kill”
Written by Stanley Ralph Ross
Directed by Sam Strangis
Season 3, Episode 14
Production code 1717
Original air dates: December 14, 1967

The Bat-signal: Gotham City’s ten best-dressed women are being announced at Le Chat Maison by Rudi Gernreich, and he also presents a special award to Batgirl for being the best-dressed crime-fightress. Catwoman shows up with her two thugs, Manx and Angora, to protest Batgirl winning anything when she’s around. She tosses a hair-raising bomb at the ten women, and it makes their hair go all poofy.

Gordon and O’Hara are present to accept the award on Batgirl’s behalf and they proceed to do nothing but thumpher while Catwoman does her thing, and then they head straight to the Bat-phone, because heaven forfend they do their jobs.

[“Gee, Batman, Belgravia’s such a small country. We’d beat them in a few hours.” “Yes. Then we’d have to support them for years.”]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Star Trek The Original Series Rewatch: “Once Upon a Planet”

“Once Upon a Planet”
Written by Chuck Menville & Len Janson
Directed by Hal Sutherland
Animated Season 1, Episode 9
Production episode 22017
Original air date: November 3, 1973
Stardate: 5591.2

Captain’s log. The Enterprise returns to the shore-leave planet for some, well, shore leave. McCoy, Sulu, and Uhura beam down, where they reminisce about their last trip—and even see the White Rabbit and Alice again.

Uhura hangs out by a lake and sings, while Sulu checks out the plants, and McCoy finds himself at a Southern plantation mansion. But then the Queen of Hearts shows up and declares, “Off with his head!” and he’s attacked. He calls for an emergency beam-out, and he and Sulu are beamed back—but Uhura’s communicator is taken by a drone.

[I have no use for more hostages, so I will turn them off!]

Series: Star Trek: The Original Series Rewatch

Holy Rewatch Batman! “The Londinium Larcenies” / “The Foggiest Notion” / “The Bloody Tower”

“The Londinium Larcenies” / “The Foggiest Notion” / “The Bloody Tower”
Written by Elkan Allan and Charles Hoffman
Directed by Oscar Rudolph
Season 3, Episodes 11-13
Production code 1711
Original air dates: November 23 & 30 and December 7, 1967

The Bat-signal: We open with a shot of the Tower Bridge shrouded in fog as William Dozier insists it’s another “crystal-clear” day in Londinium, the capital of the Old World, then cut to the queen’s private museum in Chuckingham Palace, where Lord Marmaduke Ffogg of Ffoggshire and his sister Lady Penelope Peasoup are stealing Her Majesty’s collection of priceless snuffboxes (conveniently labeled, “HER MAJESTY’S PRICELESS SNUFFBOXES”), covering their tracks with fog created by Ffogg’s pipe.

Back in the U.S., Gordon is taking a phone call from the president himself (he stands while on the phone, and O’Hara takes his hat off), who is passing on a request from the first minister to have Batman come to Londinium to solve these fog-bound robberies. Gordon’s heading to Londinium in any case for an International Police Commissioner’s Conference. (No doubt leading a panel called, “Upping Your Clearance Rate By Letting an Unpaid Vigilante Do All Your Work For You.”) He’s invited Barbara along, but she evinces no interest—until her father mentions that Batman’s supposed to come along, at which point, she agrees to accompany him.

[Bats come in both sexes, Marmaduke…]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Holy Rewatch Batman! “Surf’s Up! Joker’s Under!”

“Surf’s Up! Joker’s Under”
Written by Charles Hoffman
Directed by Oscar Rudolph
Season 3, Episode 10
Production code 1714
Original air dates: November 16, 1967

The Bat-signal: The World Surfing Championship is coming up, and it’s going to be held at Gotham Point. Barbara’s old friend Skip Parker is a favorite to win the championship, and she watches him ride a wave and compliments him on his form. The Joker shows up in his Jokermobile with two henchmen, Wipeout and Riptide, and he radios his moll, Undine, at the Hang Five, a surfin’ hangout run by Hot Dog Harrigan. (The radios actually are in the shapes of hot dogs, for whatever reason.) Riptide and Wipeout put Hot Dog in a bag and then send Undine to tell Skip there’s a phone call for him. Skip enters the Hang Five and Joker gasses him and takes him off to his secret HQ.

[“Barbara had to go back to the library but she told me to keep an eye on the girl behind the counter.” “You mean the one talking to her hot dog?”]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Star Trek The Original Series Rewatch: “The Magicks of Megas-Tu”

“The Magicks of Megas-Tu”
Written by Larry Brody
Directed by Hal Sutherland
Animated Season 1, Episode 8
Production episode 22009
Original air date: October 27, 1973
Stardate: 1254.4

Captain’s log. The Enterprise takes a journey to the center of the galaxy in the hopes of seeing matter being created. A kind of matter/energy whirlwind sucks the Enterprise in. They can’t break free of it, so they try to get to the center of it. They find themselves in a place that Spock describes as being outside of time and space. All systems on board start to fail, including life support.

A creature appears on the ship who looks like popular conceptions of the devil and restores ship’s power. He calls himself Lucien and a friend, expressing glee that humans finally found him. He transports Kirk, Spock, and McCoy off the bridge, leaving a stunned Sulu, Arex, and Uhura behind.

[Gaze upon my countenance…]

Series: Star Trek: The Original Series Rewatch

Holy Rewatch Batman! “The Ogg and I” / “How to Hatch a Dinosaur”

“The Ogg and I” / “How to Hatch a Dinosaur”
Written by Stanford Sherman
Directed by Oscar Rudolph
Season 3, Episodes 8 & 9
Production code 1705-1 & 1705-2
Original air dates: November 2 & 9, 1967

The Bat-signal: Olga, Queen of the Bessarovian Cossacks, and Egghead kidnap Gordon from his office in a hot-air balloon, under the guise of delivering a sandwich. Gordon realizes it’s Egghead when it’s an egg sandwich rather than roast beef, but by then it’s too late.

O’Hara enters the now-empty office, where Gordon managed to scrawl a note that says “KIDNAPPED.” Batgirl shows up—concerned that Gordon wasn’t answering his phone, no doubt, though she can’t say that out loud in order to preserve her secret ID—as do Batman and Robin, who saw Olga and Egghead at the end of last episode, and are now at GCPD HQ.

[“How did you do it?” “By underhand trick—what else?”]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Star Trek The Original Series Rewatch: “The Infinite Vulcan”

“The Infinite Vulcan”
Directed by Hal Sutherland
Animated Season 1, Episode 7
Production episode 22002
Original air date: October 20, 1973
Stardate: 5554.4

Captain’s log. The Enterprise is surveying a planet at the periphery of the galaxy. A landing party consisting of Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Sulu beams down. Sulu finds a plant that can get up and move around, while Spock finds a power source. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy investigate the power source, while Sulu fails his saving roll versus dumbass and picks up the flower. He’s stabbed with a thorn and is poisoned.

A group of natives arrive, who appear to be sentient plant life. They cure Sulu (over McCoy’s initial objections, though he’s impressed with the speed with which the antidote works on Sulu). The leader of the natives, Agmar, identifies the planet as Phylos.

[Murderer! You’ve killed Spock!]

Series: Star Trek: The Original Series Rewatch

Holy Rewatch Batman! “Louie, the Lilac”

“Louie, the Lilac”
Written by Dwight Taylor
Directed by george waGGner
Season 3, Episode 7
Production code 1710
Original air dates: October 26, 1967

The Bat-signal: All the flower-children in Gotham City are gathering in the park for a flower-in—but there are no flowers! Turns out that Louie the Lilac has cornered the market on Gotham City’s petaled flora. He intends to control the minds of Gotham’s young people, since they’re the future leaders of the city.

Meanwhile, the hippies are having themselves a party in the park, led by Princess Primrose—real name Thelma Jones, Barbara’s former college chum—and Louie shows up and tosses flowers to them all. He uses his boutineer to hypnotize Primrose and take her off in his Flowermobile. And then it turns out that the flowers are all fake! Louie then finds out from Primrose that the commissioner’s daughter was there, so he has one of his henchmen find and tail Barbara while he locks Primrose in his hothouse.

[“Go back outside and calm the flower children.” “But they’ll mob me!” “Groovy.”]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Star Trek The Original Series Rewatch: “The Survivor”

“The Survivor”
Written by James Schmerer
Directed by Hal Sutherland
Animated Season 1, Episode 6
Production episode 22005
Original air date: October 13, 1973
Stardate: 5143.3 

Captain’s log. While patrolling near the Romulan Neutral Zone, the Enterprise detects a one-person craft drifting. It belongs to Carter Winston, the famous space trader and philanthropist, who’s been missing for five years. His fiancée, Lieutenant Anne Nored, is an Enterprise security guard. Once Kirk and Spock verify his identity and McCoy gives him a physical, Nored gets to see him.

As soon as he sees her, he breaks off the engagement. He crashed on Vendor and was nursed back to health, and his experiences, he says, means he no longer loves Nored.

[I couldn’t harm the image of the man I loved!]

Series: Star Trek: The Original Series Rewatch

Star Trek The Original Series Rewatch / Holy Rewatch Batman! Extra: Alexander the Great

In honor of the 50th anniversary of both Star Trek and the 1966 Batman TV series, we’ll be spending this final week of 2016 looking at items that relate to one or both of those shows. We conclude with a 1964 pilot that wasn’t picked up for a series, though it was aired as an episode of the anthology Off to See the Wizard in January 1968 due to its stars becoming somewhat more famous in the intervening four years. (Ahem.)

Alexander the Great
Written by Robert Pirosh and William Yates
Directed by Phil Karlson
Original air date: January 26, 1968

The first three title cards tell you everything you need to know: Alexander the Great. Starring William Shatner. Co-starring Adam West. Two years before both men would go on to star in TV shows that would become such a major part of the pop-culture landscape that some long-haired hippie weirdo freak would be writing about them every week for a web site, they starred in this pilot for a sword-and-sandal epic.

[ALEXANDER!!!!!]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!

Holy Rewatch Batman! Extra: “Batgirl” and “Wonder Woman” Promo Shorts

In honor of the 50th anniversary of both Star Trek and the 1966 Batman TV series, we’ll be spending this final week of 2016 looking at items that relate to one or both of those shows. We continue with two shorts that William Dozier made. The first was made between the second and third seasons to convince ABC to add Yvonne Craig’s Batgirl to the show’s opening credits. The second was a five-minute promo Dozier put together to pitch a Wonder Woman TV show.

“Batgirl”
Unaired promo short

The Bat-signal: Barbara fetches a book on butterflies for Bruce, who doesn’t recognize her at first, until she explains that she’s Gordon’s daughter. He and Dick are there chatting with another millionaire, Roger Montrose, the lepidopterist (the book she fetched for Bruce is to settle a bet).

[The nation needs Wonder Woman!]

Series: Holy Rewatch Batman!