Last week’s episode of Under the Dome, “Love is a Battlefield,” featured a scene in which Scarecrow Joe actually sings “Love is a Battlefield” at the top of his lungs while dancing, but despite containing such marvels I was unable to recap because I was curled up in a fetal position on the floor, chewing my knuckles and wailing because CBS had just announced that it was canceling Under the Dome. There were only three episodes left! Forever! How could I possibly enjoy watching Eva give birth to her alien slime baby, then throwing her doula through a window, before being murdered with a pillow by a singing Marg Helgenberger who seemed to be improvising her nonsensical Death Lullaby on the spot?
This calcifying Dome isn’t running out of oxygen! It’s running out of episodes! *sob*