With the Republican and Democratic National Conventions now behind us, we are officially thrust into the tumultuous midsts of the Presidential election season. For the next few weeks, it will consume our timelines, newsfeeds, hearts, and minds.
Or, maybe not. But either way, I think we can all agree that what we really need right now more than anything right is a man—or woman—who will stand up for us. Someone who represents our vision of America as it’s truly meant to be. Someone who can plant the seeds that will blossom into the luscious political fields of our dreams. Someone who will stomp out all remaining opposition and rule the galaxy with an iron fist. Someone we can believe in.
And so, without any further ado, I present you with my top 10 alternative choices for the 2012 U.S. Presidential election. What’s that? Oh, who cares that they’re all fictional. So is the rest of politics.