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When one looks in the box, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the cat.

Reactor

UPDATE: Ron Howard will be popping the clutch and politely requesting that everyone eat his dust as he directs the Han Solo movie! However, there are still more spin-offs on the horizon, and we think any of these fine directorial choices could give us a killer Boba Fett biopic.

Last night the news broke that the directing team of Phil Lord and Chris Miller have departed the Han Solo spin-off movie. A new director has yet to be announced, but after a spirited discussion with my co-workers, I’ve got a few potentially polarizing suggestions for a fresh take on the galaxy far, far away…

 

Quentin Tarantino

Han and Lando ride around in the Millennium Falcon, bickering about who she belongs to, and committing occasional acts of horrific violence.

 

Martin Scorsese

Han and Lando ride around in the Millennium Falcon, committing occasional acts of horrific violence, while pausing to wrestle with the moral implication of their violence, and the silence of God.

 

Whit Stillman and Noah Baumbach

Two directors known for their scabrous takes on upper-class city life give us a tag team take on Han Solo! Will the young, scrappy smuggler find his way in the bright lights and big, planet-sized city of Coruscant? Or will his tortured intellectualism and serial adultery ruin his life?

 

Wes Anderson

After the death of Woody Harrelson’s Garris Shrike, Han, Lando, and Chewie go on a rollicking-yet-emotionally-resonant trip through the far reaches of space to work out their grief, and their complicated love for each other. Do the Kinks exist in this galaxy? They do now.

 

David Cronenberg

Each day the Millennium Falcon’s dials and ports seem more…organic. Could it be that the hull is breathing? Is this reality? Han Solo doesn’t know what to believe anymore. He needs to make the Kessel Run, but will he have to merge with his ship in order to do it?

 

Stephen Spielberg and Tony Kushner

The Young Han Solo movie gets the Lincoln treatment in this haunting meditation on friendship, loyalty, and honor as Han fights the enslavement of Wookiees.

 

Bong Joon Ho

HAN SOLO EATS BABIES.

 

Richard Linklater

Han Solo ambles around Mos Eisley, running into old friends and new acquaintances, on a vague mission to meet up with Garris Shrike. As he wanders, Han finds himself in conversations about death, the Force, the totalitarian desires of the Empire, and the possibility of love in a universe that is always changing.

 

Patty Jenkins

Why is Wonder Woman in the Han Solo movie? Stop asking questions, just sit back in awe as Gal Gadot’s Diana Prince single-handedly defeats the Empire and restores freedom to all the star systems of the galaxy.

 

Joel and Ethan Coen

The Han abides. It wasn’t always the high-stakes life of a smuggler for young Han, who once preferred blue (milk) Russians and looser-fitting garb. What strange young woman comes along to push him out of his life of leisure?

 

George Lucas

…maybe not.

 

So who do you think should take over now that Miller and Lord have taken their leave?

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Leah Schnelbach

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Intellectual Junk Drawer from Pittsburgh.
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