“F-A-N-G the pain away?” Naw, this is True Blood, HBO’s flagship summer series, justifying its cable network R-rating by naming an episode after a particularly raunchy Peaches song. The episode was kind of raunchy, too. And it was actually fun. Definitely one of the better episodes of the season. Sex, drama, goofy flashback-wigs worthy of David Boreanaz in Buffy! This hour had it all.
After insanely putting herself in a very compromising position with her vampire-fey enemy Warlow, Sookie isn’t so much as saved by Bill as her Warlow-problem is temporarily on hold because Bill hates Warlow more and pulled the Maker-card. The best True Blood openings are the ones that leave Sookie saying “WTF?!” Warlow reveals that he loves her and wants to be her fairy prince and was only trying to save her from parents that were trying to kill her. At first, I took it to mean that Corbett and Michelle, by refusing to let Warlow turn Sookie into a vampire, were in his eyes condemning Sookie to mortality. Semantics. But no—Corbett was literally going to kill his daughter to save her from Warlow. WHAT? It seems terrible judgment is genetic.
I really feel for Sookie. There’s pretty much no one she can trust. There’s no one to protect her—not even Grandma Adele. It’s sunk in for her now and it’s just bitter times. Good for her for at least trying to take control of her life and figure out why she’s such a magnet for people looking to use her body and her feelings and separate all the truth from the lies. Sookie’s not the smartest person on this show, but at least she’s trying to be.
As Nora—why didn’t we see her in the Dreadfort this week?—said, Billith and Warlow are destined to fight each other. Warlow’s definitely all kinds of gray. Can we trust him? He says he hates his vampire part and he was pretty much raped by Lillith. So why turn Sookie into one? Will Warlow really kill Bill? Or will his fairy blood save vampirekind and put the whole fairy thing to rest forever?
Shouldn’t she be tripping balls for more than ten minutes with the blood of four half-fairies in her? Is it because the girls were young? Their half-blood only equaled two full fairies consumed? I guess I’m just going to go with Eric and Russell ate way more powerful fairies. Anyhoo… Jess is a triple murderer. That’s a kind of character development. Now she’s wrestling with her inner huntress and her human religion—which she had previously abandoned. Loved her pre-capture showdown with Sarah Newlin. Stuck in the camp with the other naughty, dumb vampires, I’m worried what her and Tara’s Level 3 status means for them. Because vampire hamster wheels and dentistry and possibly rape? These characters have been through enough.
What the hell is wrong with you, Eric? Maybe if I loudly repeat myself like Eric is prone to do when he’s trying to make a point: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Voluntarily walking into the enemy’s camp to rescue his friends. Again. God, this is so insanely dumb. Didn’t we just do this last season? And we saw how well that turned out, right?
Easily the highlight of tonight’s episode. Her whole therapy session was gold, with too many choice quotes to pick just one. “Hold the fuck up, am I in therapy?” might be it. Or “I like to think of myself as especially unremorseful.” Her speech on human and vampire notions of “forever” and “pain” was pointed and poignant. Maybe not new in vampire fiction, but Pam’s posturing didn’t really hide her pain over Eric’s newfound assholery. At least not to viewers of True Blood. The shrink, on the other hand, took what she was saying at face value and I have to say I was a little pissed that Pam would so easily cooperate with her captors. You knew they’d turn whatever she said against her. And how. A deathmatch is one way to finally give Eric and Pam some sort of closure to their estranged relationship. It’s a messed-up, exciting twist. Worthy of Game of Thrones if the show actually does kill off a major character.
But then I remember this show isn’t Game of Thrones. But the promise of catharsis is enough to keep me looking forward to next week’s episode.
How nutty was it that Sarah Newlin showed up on Jason’s doorstep, in her lingerie? I won’t lie that it was kind of refreshing to see Jason in a very “heterosexual” sex scene. Reminds me of the first season. But, I hope Jason wore protection. As Governor Burrell and Oscar Bluth know: Never promise crazy a baby. Jason’s fling was just that, a fling, and I guess hot, hot sex is as good a catalyst as anything in Jason’s life, if it gets him to prioritize. His allegiance changes sides more often than gay vampire Steve Newlin.
Oh no, not again with the Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost routine. And the possession. At least Alcide has a story of his own. It’s a shitty story, but he at least has a goal in mind.
Beyond feeling bad for Andy and wondering if his daughters’ mom will return when she finds out he couldn’t keep half of their offspring alive, Big Meh. It’s like they don’t want to release popular shirtless heartthrob Joe Manganiello from his contract, but they have literally no use for Alcide this season. This shifter storyline might be one of the most pointless B-plots in the history of this show. And that’s including Terry’s current angst over killing a murderous douche in self-defense. That someone would kill Terry voluntarily and for free made me laugh. That couldn’t have been intentional. But there it is. I’d say I’m a bad person… but it’s Terry.
Next week: No reviews for the next two weeks because I’ll be attending San Diego Comic-Con and my episode reviews for True Blood have been so negative lately, no one at HBO wants me in a room with the showrunners to ask, “WHY DO YOU HATE LAFAYETTE SO MUCH???”
True Blood airs Sundays at 9P.M. E/PT on HBO.