Here at Tor.com, we’re extremely pro-love. We all swoon when we think of Han Solo and Princess Leia from Star Wars, Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones from Torchwood, or Zoe and Wash from Firefly. But it seems a fitting end to Valentine’s Day to focus on those couples who are just… annoying. Below the cut, we list five couples that turn us off the idea of love altogether.
1.) Troi & Worf (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
So one day Worf suddenly starts slipping between alternate realities, each one just a little bit more bizarre than the last. A common thread throughout many of them, though, and one of the bigger shockers for Worf, is finding himself married to Deanna Troi!
Because that idea wasn’t goofy enough the first time around, later in Star Trek: The Next Generation’s the seventh season Worf begins courting Troi in his native reality.
We give the writers credit for an idea that successfully shakes us out of our Trek-watching stupor, but that’s as much as we’re willing to grant. Worf’s arc through Star Trek is basically one bad-ass moment after another, while Troi spins endlessly from bad relationship to bad relationship, occasionally dispensing vague, unhelpful advice and sensing people as “possibly deceptive.”
A Worf/Troi tryst seems fun for laughs, but not as a storyline to close out your final season, especially not in lieu of any resolution to the long-standing will-they-won’t-they Riker/Troi question. The pairing is made additionally irritating by the Worf’s eventual marriage to Jadzia Dax, a woman who matched him equally in intensity and capability.
2.) Chief Tyrol & Cally (Battlestar Galactica)
Chief Tyrol is such a nice lovable guy. He’s just like a big teddy bear, you know? I mean, assuming you like teddy bears who beat up their girlfriends to the point of putting them into sickbay. But Cally’s sweet, right? Actually, no. Not only is she crazy trigger-happy, she becomes a non-stop complainer once she gets into a relationship with the Chief. In all honesty, these two characters were okay until they got together. Cally should have stayed the cute girl who sometimes bit people’s ears off, and Chief should have stayed hopelessly in love with bad Boomer. Instead, they were a disaster.
3.) Tonks & Lupin (Harry Potter series)
Not only does this come out of nowhere, both of these characters [spoilers in white] die about nine months and ten minutes after getting together. It’s like Voldermort and the Death Eaters were punishing them for having a relationship based on absolutely nothing. Their courtship went like this: mope, mope, mope, ::POOF:: attraction. It’s like someone explained The Shoebox Project to J.K. Rowling while she was writing Half-Blood Prince, and she thought, “Oh, no! Only I’m allowed to decide who’s secretly gay! I must retroactively cock-block Sirius. Quick, who’s female, single, and not a Hogwarts student?”
And Tonks and Lupin’s kid kissing Bill and Fleur Weasley’s daughter in the epilogue of Deathly Hallows—well, that’s just obnoxious.
4.) Sheridan & Delenn (Babylon 5)
The only thing worse that couples who seem really self-important are couples that are actually the boss of you. Between the two of them, Sheridan and Delenn are the boss of everybody. They run Babylon 5, the Interstellar Alliance, the Rangers, and the Vorlons. And just like space mobsters, they both like bullying around planets by threatening to NOT offer them protection if they don’t play ball, see? To the show’s credit, several episodes dealt with public perception of Sheridan and Delenn being sort of scary. I mean when powerful people like Beyonce and Jay-Z get together, usually all that happens are pop-songs like “New York State of Mind.” But with Sheridan and Delenn, whole planets get blown up.
We could have gone on and on with this list, but that didn’t seem too healthy from a mental standpoint. If you’ve got more (and we know you have), join the Facebook thread in-progress here or post your reasonings below!
Stubby the Rocket is the mascot of Tor.com and tends to be a voice for semi-official business and general randomness from the staff.