Since it’s Tor.com’s second birthday, we’ve decided to celebrate by paying homage to the greatest and most geektacular thing about the number two: evil twins. And what better way to celebrate this beloved (and often belabored) classic trope than to throw The Ultimate Evil Twin Party? So dust off your eyepatches and sinister goatees, invite all your swinging’ single doppelgänger friends over for some double trouble and get ready to party with some of the evilest twins around…
Presumably, there needs to be some central activity that you’re inviting people over for. We suggest using TV Tropes’ Evil Twin entry to construct a custom list of visual entertainment. Some of our favorites include “Ren’s Bitter Half” (Ren and Stimpy), “The Lesser of Two Evils” (Futurama), lots of examples from the Whedonverse (Buffy episodes “The Wish,” “Doppelgangland,” and “The Replacement” are a good place to start), and too many examples from Star Trek to even list. And there’s always Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla (it’s Godzilla’s evil twin…from SPACE?! Get it?)
The Guest List
Evil Spock (Star Trek) The goatee that started it all. The ST:TOS episode “Mirror, Mirror” pretty much set the bar for decades worth of gimmicky facial hair and parallel universe-related hijinks. Of course, Mirror Spock isn’t technically evil at all, but what the heck—he still tops the list, and looks mighty good doin’ it.
Bizarro (DC comics) Superman’s tragic doppelgänger, arguably less of jerk than the Man of Steel. Just keep him away from blue kryptonite (and hide the tequila, to be on the safe side).
Wario (and possibly Waluigi) Mario’s archnemesis has one of the greatest moustaches in the universe, and he loves to laugh. Way more fun than Evil Lara Croft. Waluigi can be kind of whiny, but he’s pretty great at Mario Tennis.
Other Mother (Coraline) She’s a snappy dresser, totally into arts and crafts, and she loves kids. Just don’t let her anywhere near your eyes when you’re playing Pin the Beard on the Nimoy.
Garthe Knight (Knight Rider) The producers of Knight Rider loved the concept of the evil twin so much they used it twice—once in the first season, in which KITT the talking Trans Am encountered his (its?) malevolent counterpart, KARR. Things reached a whole new level in the second season, when Michael Knight and KITT came face to face with the villainous Garthe Knight and his equally villainous truck, GOLIATH. No, we’re not kidding. Garthe Knight still ranks as Hasselhoff’s greatest creation.
Flexo. No, wait…we mean Bender. (Futurama) In the aforementioned episode “The Lesser of Two Evils,” the Planet Express crew meets Bender’s double, a bending unit named Flexo, with a detachable metal goatee. In spite of this, Flexo is actually the good twin—a fact which doesn’t help him any when he is imprisoned for Bender’s crimes. Sucker.
Edgar Allan Poe While not actually a twin himself, Poe’s obsession with the doppelgängers and uncanny doubles in stories like “William Wilson” and “The Fall of the House of Usher” earns him a special invite. Plus, he’s clearly covered in the evil facial hair department, and he’ll probably bring along a nice bottle of amontillado.
Who Not To Invite: Twins Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia (totally not evil enough, unless you’re a real stickler for the incest taboo), Arnold Schwartzenegger and Danny DeVito (sorry, Ivan Reitman), those girls from The Shining (too creepy), the Olsen twins (way too creepy), and Jeremy Irons (if you haven’t seen Dead Ringers, just trust us on this one).
Some evil twins prefer eyepatches, disfiguring scars, goatees, and/or other facial hair to denote their inherently diabolical nature, but we here at Tor.com are devoted fans of the ‘stache. It is crucially important that you supply your guests with moustaches so that they can pose as their own evil twin at any moment. Some of our favorites include:
CyanideStitches’ Insta-Face Embroidered Moustache Party Bandana
Whiskerworks’ Evening Soiree Moustache Props
If buying a set of moustaches is too much of a commitment, you can consider a lower cost alternative, such as making them out of paper, or—better yet—shrinky dinks. The Archie McPhee website also has a wealth of suggestions for how to adorn your guests. If all else fails, just hand out eyeliner pencils and have everyone do it by hand.
You’ve got to have some music on hand for those moments when everyone’s not fixated on the TV. Every recovering goth knows Voltaire’s “When You’re Evil,” but what about The Magnetic Fields’ “I Wish I Had an Evil Twin” and They Might Be Giants’ “My Evil Twin”? Don’t be fooled by the Thompson Twins (there are three of them, and we doubt any of ’em are truly evil), but if you plumb the depths of your own music collection, you might be surprised at the depravity lurking beneath the surface of each seemingly innocent album…
The one comestible you absolutely must have on hand are some of those classic New York black and white cookies (here’s a recipe by Mary Jane)—put out a plate of them and watch your guests like a hawk to see which side they nibble first. But with a bit of imagination, the possibilities are endless. Our crueler readers may consider trafficking in the shady world of Decept-O-Food, like the devious Skittles and M&M’s mix, or platters with pistacio ice cream on one side and wasabi on the other. Finally, you could play around with contrasting flavor pairs, like sweet and sour (Sour Patch Kids, or the American Chinese food dish of the same name) or sweet and salty (caramel fleur de sel, anyone?). Particularly skilled chefs could even attempt to recreate Alinea’s brilliant “Hot Potato, Cold Potato” dish for a mind-blowing contrast in temperatures.
We’re stretching a bit here, but you could do worse than to start off with one of the beverages that are actually called Evil, like this frightening alcoholic stew, or a Lithuanian spice beverage that actually sounds quite lovely. There’s also something to be said for letting any variety of alcohol run its course: witness this extensive post and comment thread about identifying the brew that turns you into your own evil twin.
If you’re feeling particularly industrious, you could craft your way to the perfect solution: tape together two dixie cups, insert cocktail straws, and serve two beverages that can be enjoyed together or one at a time, such as milk and chocolate milk or iced coffee and Kahlúa.
Whatever you decide to serve, just make sure you’re pouring doubles…
Decor and Party Favors
Etsy, as ever, can do you proud in this department. We especially loved:
Kittens Being British by Yojetak. You could make anything with these: pins, coasters, eyepatches, anything!
The Evil Conjoined Twin Demon Doll by CuteIsHell
UptownAvenue’s Stacking Moustache Espresso Mugs
The classic in this department is a rousing game of Pin-the-Evil-Moustache-on-the-X, where X is only bounded by your imagination. All you need is a poster of your intended victim. Beatles? Muppets? Knight Rider? We also loved some of the astounding events invented for Rusty George’s Moustache Revival party, which included a “favorite moustache collective nouns” contest, “synchronized staching,” and a “wet moustache contest.”
It’s an Evil Twin Party: Be creative! Be downright devious! We’d love to hear your suggestions for your favorite evil twins, doppelgänger accessories, and dubious facial-hair-related party games. Help us figure out how to plan an even bigger, even more nefarious shindig. We’ve got a whole year of the Terrible Twos ahead of us, after all…
Liz Gorinsky is an only child. She swears.
Bridget McGovern is a Gemini, and knows that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.