Congress Reinstates Pluto as a Planet

Last night, the Unites States Congress passed a new bill to declare Pluto is to be considered a planet again. This news was met with some confusion by the scientific community as Congress was not the body that initially downgraded Pluto to the status of “dwarf planet”.

“I don’t understand,” said astronomer David Levy. “How does Congress even have the power to do that?”

White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs, said in an early morning press conference that President Obama was very excited about the bill.

The President has always been upset over the removal of Pluto as a planet. It has a moon, for Christ’s sake. Once the bill is delivered, the President will waste no time signing this bill into law. To quote the vice-president, this is a small f****** deal.

Ron Laufenheimer of the Tea Party movement later made a statement in response to the news.

We are very pleased with the reinstatement of Pluto as a planet. This is a step in the right direction of someone standing up to the so-called experts and for what is right and good. Finally, Congress is doing something that is worthwhile, as opposed to economic or healthcare reform, which are completely outside of their Constitutional authorities.

“The scientists just need to quiet down,” said Reginal Torvalds, a Constitutional lawyer out of D.C. “This easily falls under the Interstate Commerce Clause. The Supreme Court will uphold this; Pluto is a back. I, for one, have already put the ninth Styrofoam ball back on my bed’s mobile.”

Richard Fife is a writer, blogger, and firm believer in a 9-planet universe.  More of his ramblings and some of his short stories can be found at


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