26. Aaron Polson
You have the right to be eaten. Anything you say will likely be ignored because we are dead. You have the right to scream, moan, or groan during consumption. If you are rendered unable to utter a sound, one of us will moan for you. Do you understand these rights?
There were several other good entries as well, and our decision was not easy or unanimous. Here are a few honorable mentions, both going for a similar theme:
18. Matt C. Wilson
In the Undead Justice System humans are persecuted by two separate, yet equally important groups. The fast zombies who pursue the living and the zombie mobs who consume their brains. These are their stories.
In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who eat your brains, and the dist – hey, wait a sec, that’s not the aaaAAAGH HELP HELP AAAUUUUGGGH- [dun-dun…]
And a special dishonorable mention goes to:
You have the right to remain Soylent…
Congratulations to Aaron Polson for his winning entry. Please contact the award administrator (me, John Joseph Adams) at firstname.lastname@example.org with your mailing address, and please specify which version of Left 4 Dead you would like (Xbox 360 or PC), and any special inscription or personalization you’d like to your copy of The Living Dead.
Since the caption contest went live, it came to the attention of the developers at Valve Software. As an extra-awesome bonus, Aaron’s copy of Left 4 Dead will be signed by the Valve development team.