content by

Natalie Zina Walschots

If Doctor Doom Were Your Boyfriend…

No one actually wants to date a superhero.

Sure, it might seem appealing at first: they’re professionally good at being charming, and promise romance, thrills and adventure. You picture Lois Lane in Superman’s arms, in full flight, framed by the night sky—what could be more breathtaking?

Once the initial glamour wears off, though, the cons of dating a hero become immediately apparent. Let’s put aside, for a moment, that it drastically shrinks your potential lifespan, and you’re going to spend the entire duration of the relationship (and beyond) getting kidnapped once a fortnight. You’ll never be first in their life or heart; instead, some concept like Saving The World or Justice will always be their top priority. No event the two of you have will be pivotal enough that they won’t bail on you for some emergency or another. Forget time alone; you’ll either be surrounded by the rest of the heroic team, support staff, or adoring fans for the rest of your (shortened) natural life.

If you’re looking to settle down, the real long-term material is on the other side of the cape.

If brilliance, obsession, and a willingness to blow anyone who wrongs you off the face of the planet is your jam, there can really only be one choice: Victor Von Doom.

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