Tor.com content by

John Titor IV

Read Quickly, I Have Little Time Here

If there were a microphone, I would tap on it; if my device had a keyboard, I would blow the dust out from between the keys and run my fingers over the symbols.  I have seen your computers in memorial halls.  Physical typing must be fun.  Is it fun?  Can you understand my text?  (We were afraid the Second Great Vowel Shift would interfere with written communication as well, but recent reconstructions indicate that the worst damage is done to spellings originating in the former British Empire and all derivations of the transitive verb “wii.”)

But I wander; it’s fairly easy to do with this implant, and I don’t think they’ve worked all the kinks out of the newest model.

Ahem?

Greetings, denizens of the 21st Century Internets!  (I could only find the one.  Are there more? The question has been plaguing historians for several years now …but there I go again.)  I come to 2008 with a warning!  Heed me!  Had I a kettle drum, I would beat it!  My research shows that you will interpret its sound as ominous.  (I wrote a paper on it, actually.)

[Terrible occurrences ahead.]