Welcome to the Mojave. I’ll be your tour guide today.
Buckle in and prepare yourself for majestic slot canyons and breathtaking vistas. If there’s time, we’ll stop for alien jerky and soak in the hot springs. But first, a word of caution: unless you’re looking to add the hospital to our itinerary, please avoid rattlesnakes, scorpions, and desert people.
Yes, I said desert people. Why do you look incredulous? Haven’t you watched The Hills Have Eyes?