Before you ask, yes, what we need right now is another Nicolas Cage movie with dubious dialogue and powerful glowering. (No, I didn’t actually watch Jiu Jitsu. Life is short, ok?) Though in Willy’s Wonderland, Cage seems hardly to speak at all. He’s too busy absolutely going to town on a whole lot of creepy animatronic creatures. Is he living the dream of every child ever weirded out by the animatronics in a theme park? I’ll let you be the judge of that.
I don’t know what Cage’s character is called here and I don’t care to: This is just Nicolas Cage, tricked into cleaning a scary-ass “family fun center” in exchange for repairs on his broken-down car. Nicolas Cage isn’t scared of the animatronics (WHY IS THERE AN OSTRICH). Nicolas Cage doesn’t listen to the teenagers who desperately try to warn him away. Nicolas Cage will probably begrudgingly accept the help of the cop (Beth Grant) who’s muttering about how the creatures “got out.” But Nicolas Cage will never say thank you.
“He’s not trapped in here with them. They’re trapped in here with him!” says one of the teenagers, in case we had failed to notice that Nicolas Cage is singularly unfazed by finding himself needing to bludgeon murderous animatronics to death. (“Death”? Can they die? Are they alive? I might have too many questions.)
Willy’s Wonderland will be available for our on-demand viewing pleasure on February 12th.