What follows is a true story, as told through author Sarah Gailey’s Twitter account in October 2017. Trust us, you’re gonna want to stick around for the full weirdness of this one…
Who wants to hear the story of the date I witnessed between Wolf Girl and James Spader's Lonely Doppleganger?
I HOPE IT'S YOU
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
A fella sits at the adjacent table. I do a double-take, because I'm like 98% certain that it's James Spader, but the 2% wins. It ain't him. pic.twitter.com/PoPxydotyM
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
Finally, a PERSON storms in and FLUMPS across from him. My overall impression is: BEDRAGGLED YOUTHSOME LADY.
But she's not just any BYL.
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
NJS: [adjusts tie] Oh, uh, um, a rave? Like, uh, at a club?
BYL: Yeah, but it was like weird. Whatever
NJS: …what's that you're wearing?
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
"A onesie?" NJS asked, like a fool. "Like, what babies wear?"
"Yeah," she said, "except it has paws!"
And then she showed him the paws
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
I was kind of rooting for Not James Spader
BUT THEN
WOLF GIRL SAW THE MENU
AND THINGS TOOK A TURN
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
"You eat pork?" Not James Spader said, aghast.
There are a lot of reasons for him to be upset about this.
None of those are the reason.
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
At this point, the obviously eavesdropping waitress and obviously eavesdropping me exchanged a glance like pic.twitter.com/22QmoQjtMC
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
"Yeah," he said, "Pigs mostly subsist on a diet of cats. And cats eat rats, which is disgusting. You wouldn't eat a rat, would you?"
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
Wolf Girl said no: "My fake ID got confiscated at the rave."
"No worries," Not James Spader replied. "I can get you in at my ex-wifes bar."
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
Eavesdropping Waitress brought me a big glass of free champagne and said
"so… do pigs really eat cats?"
reader
I didn't have an answer— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) October 26, 2017
Hugo and Campbell award finalist Sarah Gailey is an internationally-published writer of fiction and nonfiction. Her work has recently appeared in Mashable, the Boston Globe, and Fireside Fiction. She is a regular contributor for Tor.com and Barnes & Noble. You can find links to her work here. She tweets @gaileyfrey. Her debut novella, River of Teeth, and its sequel Taste of Marrow, are available from Tor.com.
