What Even?! Teen Wolf Mid-Season Recap

Everything I thought I knew about Teen Wolf Season 6 turned out to be wrong. Well, mostly wrong.

Things We Learned in the first half of Season 6:

The Undead Nazi War Criminal is not 6B’s Big Bad. There is a certain poetic justice about his end—making him a Ghost Rider who can no longer talk in either regular American English or randomly-German-accented American English certainly does seem like a solid punishment—but now I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in 6B, and I don’t like being completely in the dark on these things.

It also turns out that if you use an actual Nazi for contrast, even murderous sociopaths like Theo can be redeemed. I honestly thought there was no way I would ever be happy to see him on-screen, having spent so much time hating his Calvin Klein ad-ready face. I did, in fact, yell “UGH!” at the TV every time he had a scene, up until episode 10. And yet, in that final scene (you know the one), I did not hate him. Good job, Team No-Really-We-Need-Theo. (Also, is it just me or did Theo and Liam have way more chemistry than Liam and Hayden have ever managed? I ship it. Sorry, Hayden.)

Peter is the ultimate absentee dad. “Stiles is my anchor.” “I’ll get you a new one!” Every scene with him and Malia was almost guaranteed to be my favorite scene of said episode. How did these two become the levity points of Teen Wolf? Script alchemy and great timing, that’s how. (Also, Stiles was too busy being forgotten to provide his usual zingers.)

Sheriff Stilinski is too good for this show, too pure. The scene in which he resurrects Stiles’ memory with red yarn hit me harder than any scene in an MTV show about supernatural teenagers has any right to; the scene in which he realizes the truth about his no-really-she’s-dead wife ran a close second.

Speaking of dead wives(!)—Claudia is both grosser and less awful than I imagined. As soon as she wouldn’t let Lydia peel her wallpaper, I knew that we couldn’t have Claudia and Stiles both. My greatest fear was that Stiles would somehow have to choose between coming back himself and having his mom back from the dead. I figured she was in league somehow with the Hunt; I did not figure on her having tree-corpse-so-gross-why face! But that definitely made the inevitable showdown with Stiles less heart-wrenching, and for that I am grateful.

WE LEARNED STILES’ FIRST NAME! I thought the writers would take it to their graves, and here we didn’t even have to wait for 6B. I have to say, they really worked that plot point. Between him adopting the nickname of Sheriff’s abusive father, and then his original nickname, they loaded it up with emotional resonance. And since I suspect that it just started out as a joke that became more (thanks, fandom!) I award a slow-clap to the writing team. They could have just thrown it in. They could have made it a joke. Instead, they made the reveal part of this season’s love letter to Stiles. Well-played, chaps.

Alas for me but happily for Stydia shippers, it was romantic and not brotherly love that brought Stiles back. I will go fume in my corner while the rest of you celebrate. (But come on, really!? Scott could have gone into the weird freezer-tank last! Is that so much to ask?)

We learned that Argent and Melissa make an amazing couple, if not exactly a crack detective team. (Sidenote: Why aren’t Scott and Melissa keeping tabs on each other the whole time? Bad job, Scott!) I have to tell you, I saw this coming from the coffee-cup scene, and I am not sad about it. Melissa deserves everything good and wonderful in this world, and the last man who hit on her was Peter, for crying out loud. It is about time! And Papa Argent could use a break; he lost his wife, his daughter, and his father in the last few years, lest we forget.

Questions:

Where the hell is Deaton?

How did Sheriff Stilinski manage to turn up at just the right time at the school? For that manner, how did ANYONE end up in the right place at the right time during that finale??

Why on Earth did they not do a Coach-in-the-train-station scene? It practically writes itself! What a waste of Orny Adams.

How did Douglas know that Corey could be a bridge? Did he even know? Was that all just lucky coincidence?

To what poor other town did they divert that train? (Answer: Sunnyvale, probably.)

Why didn’t Melissa go for the gun in the cage with Douglas? (Answer: the showrunners have apparently forgotten she knows how to wield things other than syringes.)

NO, REALLY, WHERE IS DEATON?

Who will be the villains for 6B? I say villains because obviously Teen Wolf believes that more is more; I still can’t believe they tied up both the Ghost Riders and the were-Nazi in ten episodes.

Why does this feel so much like a full-season finale? Everything could not be tied up with a tighter bow: Everyone has somehow been accepted to college, despite never having taken the SATs or any actual classes. Stiles and Lydia are together, Scott and Stiles are still bros, who the hell knows what Malia is up to. (Am I the only person who cares? Malia forever!)

Which brings me to: my wish list for Season 6B. It’s ten episodes of everyone being stunningly happy and having light-hearted mini-adventures as they waltz into the sunset…here, let me elaborate:

  • Argent and Melissa take a tropical vacation. The worst thing that happens is Argent gets to punch a shark, and Melissa has too many fancy coconut drinks and tells embarrassing stories about her dating history.
  • Stiles and Lydia prep for college whilst also leaving each other increasingly elaborate cryptograms and geo-cached scavenger hunts, in which the final message is always “I love you.”
  • Scott heads off to find Kira, and they are happily reunited. The worst thing that happens is Kira has to go to summer school with Malia, who is trying to learn to cook. Everyone has to pretend her horrible pastries are edible; luckily, they all have supernatural digestion.
  • Malia and Peter take a “father-daughter” road trip after summer school and Malia pushes him into the Grand Canyon. She’s not sorry.
  • Corey is fine (POOR COREY!) and he and Mason spend the whole summer in a never-ending round of “No, YOU hang up first!”
  • Liam and Hayden are off doing something and we are not required to care.

Looks like showrunner Jeff Davis has different plans for 6B, though. According to this interview not only will there be a few new villains (including a throwback, and my bet is on Kate), but this will be “one of our grossest seasons.” Prepare yourselves, friends!

Jenn Northington is still waiting for her magical powers to manifest, is the Director of Events and Programming for Riot New Media, and comes from a long line of nerds.

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