It’s obvious to us now that Starfleet ships are not fueled by antimatter but rather, coffee.
Be it a raktajino (Klingon coffee) or just coffee–black–a surprising number of Starfleet’s finest can’t seem to function without pounding back a pint of the dark stuff before considering yet again whether to fire Chakotay.
In our eyes, Captain Janeway is the golden standard-bearer of coffee consumption in the 24th century, but she’s simply reinforcing a long tradition of Star Trek characters subsisting on coffee coffee COFFEE. Without further introduction, we present a stately walk through Starfleet’s love of the bean.
Deep Space Nine‘s Jadzia Dax is pretty hungover, but just give her a couple minutes with some coffee. (Also hey her mug matches her nightgown!)
On the set of Star Trek: The Next Generation patron saint of Tor.com, Denise “The Croz” Crosby, downs a pint of coffee while probably giving Wil Wheaton deliberately misleading advice on how to pick up women.
You don’t need The Nexus to get nice and wired! (Also who do you think B’etor is knitting that hat for?)
Everybody raktajino! Look, even unnamed background crew members need a boost.
I’m a crazy alien with my naughty parts on my knee and I just scored free coffee in space prison. WHAT.
Captain. Jim. Listen. The coffee machine here sucks. This is gross.
Whatever. It’s free.
Sometimes there’s stuff in it.
But it’s always…free.
Nothing works right on the Enterprise NX, not even Captain Archer’s coffee.
There is no coffee in the Kelvin timeline! Just whiskey.
Shots of whiskey.
Did the destruction of Vulcan eliminate coffee from the galaxy?
Is that why original timeline Sulu sticks with tea?
Is that why Captain Picard seems so troubled when he drinks his Earl Grey?
Captain Janeway, we need your help. Restore coffee to the galaxy.
Our continuing mission…to go where no one has ever gone before…while bringing coffee!