On the list of Excellent Reasons to Catch Up on Some Reading Over at NPR.org, “letters from Hugh Jackman’s facial hair” oddly never made an appearance. Until today.
Well, until yesterday, if we’re nit-picking about it.
Glen Weldon has done us all the favor of telling the real Wolverine story—from the perspective of Hugh Jackman’s mutton chops. The very same mutton chops that he gleefully shaved off on a Twitter video for all his followers.
Needless to say, the mutton chops aren’t having it. After all, they are the reason why Jackman is a household name in the first place. And if you had any doubts about that, don’t worry. The chops are happy to explain the truth to you, at great length:
That’s because, qua coiffures, mutton chops signify something very specific: chaos and control in perfect balance. Facial hair allowed to grow thick and bushy—pure untrammeled virility!—but only within rigid parameters. The cheeks, not the chin.
Business in the front, party on the sides.
The chops also tell Jackman off for casting them aside publicly right before their 17th anniversary, which everyone knows is “the furniture anniversary.” (Side note: I absolutely did not know this.)
Point is, get over to NPR if you want to see the world greatest take-down of a true superhero legend. Or if you just find yourself weirdly aligned to the pain of cast-off facial hair.