Benedict Cumberbatch Graphically Details Just How “Devastating” of a Shag Sherlock Would Be

Benedict Cumberbatch knows exactly what he’s doing when he talks about what Sherlock Holmes would be like in bed. Blame (or thank) Elle UK for egging him on in their recent cover story, where the interviewer put forward the notion that Sherlock—as a virgin and a sociopath—would be a bad lay.

Cumberbatch immediately responded that actually, Sherlock would have done meticulous research and prepared so strenuously that he would be “devastating.” And then he went on to explain it in explicit detail that will get you hot. and. bothered.

First, being Sherlock, he would analyze the condoms he planned to use (props for safe sex), do some manscaping, take plenty of vitamins for stamina (hnng), cut out any vices, and watch some porn (hopefully just the good stuff) for research.

And now that we’re shivering with antici……pation, the main event:

And then I would be devastating. I’d know exactly how to please a woman, I’d know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my—his, I should say—his fingers, his tongue. Think about violinists, think about what they can do with their fingers.

And I’d know exactly how to get that person into it, and get pleasure out of making that person feel pleasure to the point that I probably wouldn’t even have to enter…

But when I did it would be explosive.

He put it in first-person on purpose, that bastard. Because now we can’t stop thinking about sex, and specifically sex with Sherlock.

Sherlock riding crop GIF

via Tumblr/obligatoryogling

While we find it laughable that a virgin like Jon Snow would hit it out of the park on his first time out, we know that Sherlock would make his own first time memorable for all parties involved. Just look at that kiss:

Sherlock Molly kiss GIF

via jolie

We’ll be in our bunk.

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