Oh Crap, Shadows That Eat People are Real and They’ve Been Protecting Our Books For Centuries

No, you’re overreacting.

So, a few years ago Steven Moffat introduced a monster to Doctor Who called the Vashta Nerada who were basically a cloud of microscopic carnivores and who you could only tell were around because suddenly you had an extra shadow and oh crap they’re going to eat you they ARE eating you and there’s nothing you can do.

We find out that these critters actually live in books because their natural habitat is trees and book paper and oh look, this guy over at Scientific American is pointing out that there are REAL animals on Earth who are basically this annnnd they’re scorpions. Book scorpions.

The SciAm article also points out that these helpful nightmares prey on lice and mites who would prefer to ironically devour your copy of Morgan Spurlock’s Don’t Eat This Book than preserve the knowledge and art of the only freakin’ species in the history of the planet to invent preserving knowledge and art. So they’re sort of the good guys? But they still eat meat, and hide in books and look like this:

They can’t hurt you, but they’re tailless scorpions so there’s an emotional component to the trauma they inflict and also they look like bedbugs so double trauma, right there.

Still, they are legitimately helping to preserve that copy of Douglas Coupland’s Microserfs that you reread every so often. But also they’re scorpions.

I hate this planet.

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