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When one looks in the box, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the cat.

Reactor

Since the Harry Potter series ended in 2007, J.K. Rowling has frustrated fans by revisiting the wizarding world in fits and starts, focusing more on background characters than on Harry, Ron, Hermione, and their allies and enemies. But now—inspired by the FIFA World Cup, of all things—Rowling has released a new short story set in the Potterverse, answering plenty of questions as to what our favorite trio has gotten up to in their thirties.

For everyone who was let down by the epilogue in Deathly Hallows, you’ll want to read this.

Just in time for the conclusion of the real-life World Cup, Rowling posted this Daily Prophet report about the Quidditch World Cup to Pottermore. (You have to be signed in to read it.) It’s written in the delightfully bitchy style of gossip columnist Rita Skeeter, who clearly relishes the chance to return to slipping innuendos and outright lies into her reports on the famous trio’s post-Voldemort lives.

It’s also a smart move on Rowling’s part to relate the story this way, loaded as it is with faux judgments and snarky asides instead of a more straightforward telling. At the same time, we learn plenty about what the characters’ adult lives are like.

Rowling’s spokesperson said the author had “no plans” to write any more about adult Harry. But this story has given fans more than enough fodder to get the fanfiction wheels turning all over again.

If you want to spoil yourself immediately, here’s a rundown of everything the story reveals.

Image credit: Warner Bros.

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