Morning Roundup: The Final Morning Roundup?

In what is perhaps a big relief for many, the world is set to end to today. This exclusive information comes to us based on some gross misunderstandings of an ancient calendar, and we’re very happy to share with you—our doomed readers—everything we know. Below, is the best data we’ve got on today’s End of Days events. We’ve also started hearing reports of people spontaneously transforming into different versions of John Cusack. Please confirm.

Highlights of your daily obliteration include:

  1. Unicron: planet or robot?
  2. Let me guess… Gozer worshippers.
  3. “NASA” and “debunkery.”

Stubby the Rocket is the voice and mascot of Stubby will see you jokers tomorrow.

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