The Dark Lord—an epically fearsome villain from the Iron Tower of Despair, beyond the Plains of Desolation, in the Darklands—is confounded when he awakens in the middle of a small town on a planet he’s never seen before. What is this strange place, why do they keep calling him Dirk Lloyd, and why is he powerless against these earthlings who insist on finding his parents? Could it be that Dirk Lloyd is really a human incarnation of the Dark Lord who, after a cataclysmic final battle with his arch nemesis, was hurled into the Pit of Uttermost Despair, aka Earth? Or is he just a lost and confused boy? The Dark Lord must regain his rightful place in the universe before his powers of domination and destruction are lost forever, and help comes from a most unlikely source . . . a human friend.
Below, check out our conversation with the Dark Lord, Master of the Legions of Dread and Sorcerer Supreme, the World Burner, the Dark One, Master of the Nine Hells, the Lord of Darkness and the Lloyd of Dirkness, his Imperial Darkness and his Imperial Dirkness, Dirk the Magnificent.
I have deigned to answer your pitiful questions. Here they are. Oh wait, hold on, Thomson has come in, and is tugging at my sleeves like the wretched goblinoid beggar that he is. Excuse me for a moment.
What? What is it, Thomson, you mewling cur?
Oh, you want to put your answers in too? NOO! Of course not, begone you fat maggot!
What? You… Oh alright, I guess I am feeling magnanimous today. Anything to stop the pitiful whining.
What are some of your favorite books?
Thomson: Most of Jack Vance’s work like his Lyonnesse trilogy (but that’s not really for kids), Lord of the Rings, especially the films, various historical fiction by the likes of Bernard Cornwell, and lots and lots of books about mythology and history. Well, exciting history, like Vikings and battles and stuff.
The Great Dirk: Number one: Dark Lord: The Early Years, obviously, as it’s the greatest book ever written. Number two: Dark Lord: A Fiend in Need. Other books of interest – instructional titles like How to Stage a Military Coup, How to become an Evil Overlord in Five Easy Steps, How to Conquer the Galaxy and so on.
Why did you decide to write DARK LORD?
The Great Dirk: Well, I knew people would be interested in my amazing life story, obviously, so I blackmailed Thomson into being my writer slave. I simply dictated events. He wrote them down.
Thomson: I’ve been playing fantasy type computer games and role playing games, reading books and seeing films with Dark Lords and masters of the Dark side for years and years, but you hardly ever hear about why they do what they do. Why is Sauron in Lord of the Rings a ‘Dark Lord’? So I began thinking about what it would be like from their point of view, and then out of that all the humour and jokes came very easily. I had defeated so many Dark Lords in so many games and stories, that I felt I knew a lot about the ‘idea’ of a Dark Lord in the modern day. Also, since Star Wars and Lord of the Rings have become so big, everyone knows what a Dark Lord is nowadays, in a way they didn’t twenty years ago so it kind of made sense.
What was your best victory on your home planet?
The Great Dirk: In the Darklands? It hasn’t happened yet, but it will be when I crush that upstart meddling do-gooder Hasdruban once and for all beneath my all conquering boot heels! As soon as I can! Oh, and also after I get out of school detention. On earth? Well, for that, you’ll have to read the second book in my life story, where all will be revealed.
Thomson: My greatest victory is the writing of these books and getting them published of course!
Jamie Thomson is the author of the Dark Lord books.