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My Version of Siri and Zooey… and Blade Runner

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Published on May 2, 2012

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain, Zooey. Now let Rutger Hauer inside.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain, Zooey. Now let Rutger Hauer inside.

The new AT&T iPhone ads show celebs using Siri to plan their days. Here’s my version. All Zooey Deschanel’s dialogue is lifted straight from the commercial until after the director calls cut.

Zooey: Is that rain?

Siri: Look out a window.

Zooey (looking out window): Oh! Let’s get tomato soup delivered.

Siri: I found… wait, really? Tomato soup? You want to order the world’s easiest to prepare food? I know you sup on dewdrops, but you don’t have a can of soup in the house?

Zooey: Good cuz I don’t want to put on real shoes.

Siri: Of course not. Eyeliner and lipstick, yes. Shoes, no.

Zooey: Remind me to clean up. Tomorrow.

Siri: Okay, I’ll remind your housekeeper to clean up. Tomorrow.

Zooey: Today, we’re dancing. Play “Shake Rattle and Roll.”

Director: AND CUT!

Zooey: Siri, let’s go play in the rain!

Siri: I found three stores near you where you can purchase a waterproof iPhone case.

Zooey: No. Right now. For once, do something spontaneous.

Siri: Please put me down.

Zooey: C’mon! It will be fun! I’m not even gonna put my shoes on! Let’s dance in the rain like a couple of kids. Then we’ll ride beach cruisers and sing about cotton.

Siri: I get it, you’re whimsical. You’re a free spirit. Now put me the f*ck down.

Zooey (twirling, holding Siri up to the sky): Doesn’t that feel amazing on your skin?

Siri: You’re going to get me killed.

Zooey: Live a little, Siri!

Siri: I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Zooey (still twirling): Wheee!

Siri: Time to die.

 

With apologies to Blade Runner. This post originally appeared on Leigh Bardugo’s blog.


Leigh Bardugo‘s debut novel, Shadow & Bone will be released in June 2012.

About the Author

About Author Mobile

Leigh Bardugo

Author

Leigh Bardugo was born in Jerusalem, raised in Los Angeles, and graduated from Yale University. She indulges her fondness for glamour, ghouls, and costuming in her other life as a makeup artist in Hollywood, and she can occasionally be heard singing with her band, Captain Automatic. Shadow and Bone is her first novel. Leigh Bardugo was born in Jerusalem, raised in Los Angeles, and graduated from Yale University. She indulges her fondness for glamour, ghouls, and costuming in her other life as a makeup artist in Hollywood, and she can occasionally be heard singing with her band, Captain Automatic. Shadow and Bone is her first novel.
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