Today, all my dreams came true. Though it’s been out for a few years, I had my first experience with Robot Unicorn Attack. Available on the Adult Swim website, or on Facebook in the form of Robot Unicorn Attack: Evolution, the game allows you to control a robot unicorn as it leaps and zooms through a world of rainbows, butterflies, rocks, and deadly chasms. If you can find better commentary on the existential plight of being a person in the form of a flash animation game, let me know. The object of Robot Unicorn Attack is simply to keep going. And while you’re using your rainbow dashes and jumps to achieve your goal, the 1994 hit song “Always” by Erasure both soothes and encourages. (Were you aware Vince Clarke of Erasure was originally in Depeche Mode?)
Robot Unicorn Attack: Evolution will allow you to play as other creatures, including a Panda, and if you’re doing well, dolphins will begin leaping beneath your hooves. Facebook also gives you a unicorn name, which in my case is “RYANICORN.” Don’t you want a unicorn name? Don’t you want to experience life? Play Robot Unicorn Attack. (You can also buy a .99 cents version of the game for your mobile device here.)
Ryan Britt is the staff writer for Tor.com. He is so bad at Robot Unicorn Attack; it’s not even funny.