We all love evil twins, doppelgangers, and the goatees that accompany such matters. And yet, there are many characters in SFF who have never received evil versions of themselves.
Let’s attempt to remedy this. We’ll kick things off by giving you six possible bizarro versions of characters who we’ve never considered the evil versions of and then we’ll leave the floor open for other suggestions.
Read on for our list and let us know in the comment who you’d like to see an evil version of!
Evil Dr. Grant (Jurassic Park)
When Sam Neill’s Dr. Alan Grant realizes Jurassic Park is breeding raptors, he gets indignant to the max. He’s a moral guy who cares just as much about people as he does about dinosaurs. But an evil version of Dr. Grant would have cackled in delight at the prospect of a new raptor army. In fact, he’d assert they hadn’t gone far enough. Soon he’d have figured out a way to make a hybrid velociraptor/brachiosaurus/walrus/giant that had laser beams instead of claws. These beasts probably would have been sort of like Trodgor and Evil Dr. Grant would have ridden them through various towns pillaging while slapping people in the face with a whip in each hand. Evil Dr. Grant’s girlfriend is still Laura Dern, but she acts more like she did in Wild At Heart than Jurassic Park. Further, all dinosaurs Evil Dr. Grant rides have to wear the same kind of neckerchief he wears, which in the bizzaro universe, is bedazzled.
In a less bizarre scenario, Evil Dr. Grant is secretly a dinosaur activist and is responsible for bringing the fences down in the park. The reveal is a second act shocker, with an even further shock that Nedry is ALIVE and was working for Grant the whole time. Jeff Goldblum, of course, never makes it out alive.
Evil Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
Hermione Granger is popular among many because she’s the kind of person you’d want to date. She’s good at making sure people who don’t have their shit together get their shit together, and is handy as an endless source of information. She’s also standing up for downtrodden races and people and actually works to create better standards of living for them. (Through sheer combat and, in her future, legislation and advocacy.)
Evil Granger would be do all of the same things, but take them to an extreme, insisting that her way is best. An Evil Hermione would be almost exactly like Dolores Umbridge, in fact, wielding tyranny through arbitrary rules and making you cut your own hand and telling you it’s your fault. The only difference is that Hermione would add a good dose of Sexy Evil to the whole Umbridge persona.
The good/bad news: Voldemort would still be defeated. But only because Hermione took his place.
Evil Jar-Jar Binks (Star Wars)
At first you might think Jar-Jar is too loathesome or ridiculous for an evil version to be anything but a clown. But would an evil version be intentionally unintelligent?
Who insisted on coming with Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Qui-Gon? Who continued to hover around Amidala long after it was (marginally) necessary? Who was in a perfect position to manipulate events and sabotage efforts, all in the guise of hapless idiocy? Jar-Jar “Darth Floppy” Binks, that’s who.
If that doesn’t quite make sense, then we offer up a version of Jar-Jar who is still stupid, but also just plain crazy. This Evil Binks wouldn’t be a plotter or a schemer, but instead a really inept mugger. He’d amble behind you in the park for a few blocks before brandishing a shiv he made himself out of a piece of cardboard. “Gimme yousa wallet or meesa goanna cut you!” You might scratch your head in confusion and then Evil Binks would smack you in the face with his tounge and say, “Meesa f**king serious!” And you might give him your wallet because, wow, those eyes are crazy. Hell, this already kind of happened back in 1999.
Evil Beverly Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
This is one that’s really hard to imagine, which is why it may be the most important. Star Trek is particularly good at offering evil versions of its characters. (They gave us an evil Ezri Dax, for chrissakes.) But there’s never been an Evil Beverly.
Crusher is a tough character to deal with because despite being essentially likable, she’s wildly underdeveloped. It’s hard to really identify with her throughout most of TNG. She’s there, she’s consistently supportive, sometimes she gets trapped in bubble universes, but that’s mostly it.
So what would an Evil Bev bring to the universe? Well, she’d basically be the same, except she would be telling everyone else what the score was. Wesley says he’s going to hang with the Traveler? Nope, you sure aren’t or I’m cutting you off, idiot. Picard starts dating Famke Jannsen or the new cute scientist? Evil Bev threatens to kill them, and if they don’t back off, she actually kills them. But she’s the ship’s Doctor, so she can make it look like a botched operation. Speaking of surgery, Evil Beverly performs a lot of them unnecessarily. And her closeted evil only starts there. Soon, we find out that she deals drugs to shipmates and forces Barclay to run through so many holodeck simulations that he doesn’t know what’s real anymore.
And once she gets her eye on Picard, it’s all over. Evil Beverly would be running the ship without anyone knowing it.
Evil Bill the Pony (Lord of the Rings)
This reliable hobbit pony is just begging to be tempted by the powers of the One Ring. Why does it just have to apply to beings who can speak, anyway? The ring can change size, so that means it could be worn on a hoof too, right? Evil Bill the Pony would buck off all its riders and cargo and constantly lead the party in the wrong direction. In the universe in which Bill the Pony is evil and controls everything, Treebeard is also a volcano. That’s just how it is.
Evil Stubby the Rocket (Tor.com)
In our universe, Stubby the Rocket is a beacon of hope, knowledge, and a fully realized metaphor for the beauty of rocketry. Stubby is also joyful to the point of collapse, and gets into a lot of questionable adventures. Some would argue (we would) that this only compliments how Stubby provides science fiction, fantasy, the universe and related subjects with light and joy.
An evil version of Stubby the Rocket would be a terror to behold. That same joy would be turned on obliterating appreciation of science fiction, fantasy, the universe…EVERYTHING. If you spot Stubby cruising into your system, time to find a new star system to live in.
Come to think of it, Evil Stubby is a lot like a Dalek.
Stubby the Rocket is the voice and mascot of Tor.com. Stubby knows if you’ve been naughty or nice and is in your house right now.
