I had to silver myself to keep from walking out on last week’s episode of True Blood but tonight had two weeks’ worth of action paced into the hour. Antonia made the first volley in the war between witches and vampires, but King Bill has a few tactics of his own. Werewolves are neutral creatures but lovestruck part-fairies are definitely not. Lala wandered into a very bad storyline without Jesus around to protect him. (Jesus, Lafayette’s boyfriend. I’m pretty sure that other Jesus got bored with the Bellefleur house a few weeks ago.)
How gallant did Jason look busting through those doors to save Jessica from the sun? I admit, that cop uniform suits him this season. Especially since Hot Shot is behind him. Of course we knew Jason would rescue everyone’s favorite babyvamp.
Antonia’s spell only had one casualty, thanks to Bill’s preparations. And I was put in my place for assuming that all Bon Temps vampires knew each other. My bad. This seems like a good time to say I love the way people keep saying Antonia’s full name. It’s Antonia. Miss Antonia Gavilán de Longroño if you’re nasty. Miss Antonia sure has a lot of swagger for performing a very lackluster spell. I loved the way she gestured for Tara to hang up the phone, the same one she uses to make a vampire submit. What would Antonia have done if Bill didn’t call her out with a peace offering and an apology?
Eric is totally the kind of vampire Antonia wrinkles her nose at, consumed by lust. For the second week in a row, Sookie spends the bulk of the episode naked with Eric. I’m not complaining. It’s just funny. And romantic in a warped way, especially when Sookie agrees to drink Eric’s blood. Moving at the speed of light is surely the best thing for this days-long relationship. “I won’t betray you, ever,” Eric swears. “I may remind you of that someday,” Sookie replies in a way that is not at all foreshadowing. Nope. I was on board with all of the sappy honeymoon nakedness until Sookie and Eric spent one too many scenes in an out of focus bedroom in the woods. Lots of sex isn’t much of a plot, but I love True Blood for trying to make it seem like it is.
There were many dreams going on tonight. The most important one belonged to Jessica. Jessica keeps saying she’s untouchable this season, spells aside, so of course in her head she’s the heroine of her own soap opera, dumping pathetic Hoyt without letting her makeup run and then visiting Jason for a guilt-free reward. Kind of disturbing how much ego lurks in people, trumping even a vampire’s hunger. But I loved the contrast of the actual breakup scene. Man, Hoyt got in some very low blows. I forgot about Jessica’s unfortunate medical condition. Yeah, between that barb and uninviting her from their house, I can’t see Jessica and Hoyt reconciling.
Almost as surprising was Jason putting someone else’s feelings before his penis. I was sure the show would go there. I really, really hope it doesn’t. Jason is loyal. Keep him that way. As for Jess, well she wanted to be independent. Be careful what you wish for. Shouldn’t she have been helping out with the rumble in the cemetery anyway?
If Sookie and Eric can come up for air long enough to fight, surely Jessica can, no?
The way that fight went down, it wasn’t quite as dramatic as last week’s spell, but it was still damn good. Quick! Who wants to take bets that after seeing Eric rip that witch’s heart out, Sookie is having second thoughts? And who wants to take another bet that Sookie will now fall in love with Alcide after he saves her life? I don’t want to call Sookie predictable, but it’s kind of her M.O. Poor Debbie. If you keep having to make your boyfriend promise not to see that friend of his you have a gut feeling about, your gut knows what you can’t admit out loud. It’s over.
I’d say Debbie should hook up with her new pack leader, Marcus, because he seemed so sensible in the beginning of this episode. And I thought I could sense a little friendship blossoming between him and Alcide. Maybe Alcide could leave Debbie to her pack and Marcus, but clearly, the werewolf leader’s really unstable. And Debbie looked ready to unhinge, too. Marcus, having some brains, is more dangerous than Cooter ever was. Sam should watch out, too, while he’s at it.
But then something truly awful happened this week:
Lafayette got sucked into Terry and Arlene’s haunted baby nonsense. Where’s Jesus? Why aren’t they still hiding from the vampires? This storyline is even infecting my beloved Lala with its stupidity. Literally! I had just been planning on recapping Terry and Arlene’s scenes from the POV of Felix the armadillo. But now that Lafayette’s involved… nope, I STILL DON’T CARE. Blah, blah, ghost sob story. Is this what Jesus took Lafayette to Mexico for?
Can you believe this season’s barely halfway done? It’s going to take a lot of blood, sex, and tears to top the last few weeks. What can Antonia do next?
True Blood airs Sundays at 9pm E/PT on HBO.