Who Wants to Buy a Lightsaber?

I want to show you this before it is declared illegal to own. This is a Wicked Lasers product shaped like a lightsaber that emits a blue beam. It’s not a “blade” or anything, but it’s extremely hazardous to your health and probably not a good plan to own if you have children!

The warning specs for blue laser light on the website include:

  1. Permanent, irreversible blindness in direct exposure to eyes for even a millisecond.
  2. Even indirect exposure can affect your ability to see the color green.
  3. It will burn flesh.
  4. Did I mention that it will burn flesh?

The warnings page which clarifies repeatedly that this Arctic Series (lightsaber) Laser is “Class 4” and restricted and not to be used as a toy ever, at all. So why would you shape it like that if you don’t want people to play with it? Better question—what the hell is the purpose of actually owning this? If you can’t play with it, and it’s extremely dangerous to you, your pets, your family and any airplanes flying above you, why would you buy it? Home defense, I suppose.

So at the moment, since it’s not illegal yet, you can buy the closest thing we’ve made to a lightsaber. And maybe wield it as a home defense article to at least terrify and blind robbers. That’s honestly the only purpose I can imagine using this for, but it is pretty awesome, and it means we’re one step closer to making a real one that works like a blade and everything.

Between this and that Doctor-Who-sky-rift, it’s starting to seem like reality and epic scifi are drifting closer and close together…

(Full safety disclaimers and warnings.)


Brit Mandelo is a multi-fandom geek with a special love for comics and queer literature. She can be found on Twitter and Livejournal.

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