In the same vein as our previous BSG round table, a few of us got together to talk a bit about the Lost Season 5 premiere, but this time, we did it through IM as the show progressed. What follows is a truncated transcript of an IM conversation between Theresa DeLucci, Bridget McGovern, and Pablo Defendini. This will probably make absolutely no sense to anyone who didn’t watch last night, but just in case, be warned: this is chock-full of spoilers. Chime in with your opinions of the season 5 premiere!
Bridget: The only certain thing in this mixed-up crazy Lost-world is that Sawyer will be partially naked at all times.
Pablo: Yeah, homeboy needs a shirt, and it looks like he’s had a few too many Dharma beers, too. I wonder if Locke and the Sawyer group are being displaced to the same times.
Theresa: I’m guessing not.
Pablo: So the island will continue to move through time until someone undoes what Ben did?
Bridget: On the boat, The Betrayal of Saint Hugo. Et tu, Sayid?
Theresa: People really treat Hurley like crap.
Bridget: Even Cheech Marin. It’s true.
Pablo: It’s Ana Lucia! Hurley and his spirit guides.
Bridget: (Oh thank god. I thought that bitch was back. That can’t happen)
Theresa: I love Ana Lucia!
Theresa: haha. Ana Lucia was the tough bitch Kate should’ve been if the producers weren’t afraid of making their lead a real killer. Kate’s a killer, but she’s a good killer because she stopped domestic violence. Also, she’s super hot. (Evangeline Lilly, although I think Michelle Rodriguez is beautiful, too.)
Bridget: I just get really tired of Michelle Rodriguez…she plays every role exactly the same
Theresa: I get that, but I haven’t seen that many Michelle Rodriguez movies.
Pablo: So when’s Locke gonna start talking to Hurley?
Theresa: Good question.
Pablo: More to the point, why hasn’t he yet?
Theresa: Is he really dead?
Bridget: Sorry. I’m not buying Locke being really dead
Pablo: Right. Well, Locke seems to be jaunting through time too, so maybe he is and isn’t dead. Schrodinger’s Locke!
Pablo: Oh, FINALLY! Sawyer put a shirt on.
Theresa: So, my stance right now is that these episodes are more plot-driven than character-driven. Very fast-paced, but a little frenetic.
Bridget: Chill out, Cheech! Like Tommy Chong has never showed up at Cheech’s house with a passed out semi-corpse before.
Theresa: Naveen Andrews made $200,000 for this episode. Keep that in mind.
Pablo: 200k for playing dead.
Bridget: He killed a guy with a dishwasher!!!
Theresa: That was last hour, Bridget!
Pablo: That was last ep. A whole other 200K.
Bridget: Oh. In that case, he’s on his own.
Theresa: Sad that Faraday’s love interest is in peril. Do you think he’ll have a personal stake in fixing the island’s problem?
Bridget: That encephalitic limey is UNbearable.
Pablo: Maybe she’s a construct of the island! A golem, if you will.
Bridget: Maybe…just, maybe…I bet she’s got four toes on each foot
Pablo: Oh god. Frogurt is unfuckingbearable. He needs to be shot. [cue flaming arrow attack] Thanks!
Bridget: That was really satisfying.
Theresa: My god was that welcome.
Pablo: He needed to be shot, if nothing else, then for being the poor man’s Steve Buscemi.
Bridget: But when secondary characters throw a hissy fit, you know shit’s about to go down. It’s the Artz rule.
Pablo: So, I’m assuming that these are the “tribal” Others lobbing flaming arrows?
Bridget: “Poor man’s Steve Buscemi” is one of the sadder phrases in the English language.
Theresa: Where’s Rousseau?
Bridget: Probably drowning puppies or something EEEvil.
Pablo: Hell, where’s Charlie?
Theresa: This hour has more character development, definitely. Hurley’s family, I love them.
Theresa: And that Sun and Kate scene…good stuff.
Bridget: Yes. It was a nice respite from the relentless action
Pablo: Here’s Hugo’s character moment, then.
Bridget: Madre de dios.
Theresa: Oh no, Mom better not betray his trust!!
Bridget: They do love the Virgin Mary on this show. Don’t Mom me, Hugo!
Pablo: Hurley’s recap to his mom is a classic convoluted recap that doesn’t make sense out of context. I hate this device.
Bridget: Kate’s kind of Virgin Mary-esque in the right light :) Yeah, why do i feel like she’s about to sell him out like retail at TJ Maxx?
Pablo: ‘Cause she’s all retail. Both she and Cheech, with that damn light-up virgin mary picture.
Bridget: Hugo’s mom is totally secretly Ben Linus. Wait for it….
Pablo: Oh, look: Jack Shephard has privileges at ALL hospitals EVERYWHERE.
Bridget: Do NOT tell the writers of Lost what he can’t do. It’s true. The pills make it all possible
Pablo: “Malpractice? What is this ‘malpractice’ you speak of?”
Pablo: Back to Hurley and BenGo go Hurley hot pocket launcher!
Bridget: Hurley Rebels! Ben can totally get you in prison!!!
Bridget: Is that a Druid doing calculus?
Pablo: what the…..
Bridget: Penny…is a secret Druid. And probably a Timelord.
Theresa: It’s the old shopkeep!
Pablo: oh her!
Bridget: Oh, not Penny. Bargain basement Mae West psychic lady
Theresa: My brain HURTS
Bridget: HURT BRAIN.
Pablo: that was…… yeah…..
Bridget: So, “God help us all?”
Bridget: I think my brain just exploded
Theresa: I’m gonna hope it’s intentional that Marvin Candle and old shopkeep lady both said “SO GOD HELP US ALL.” Instead of giving a real fucking clue about what will happen.
Bridget: Oh, you KNOW it is :)
Pablo: So what did we learn? Not a whole lot, really. The island travels through time, but we already knew that, really.
Theresa: I mean come on! one little clue beyond dramatic TV or “God help you all, we are screwed in some way that will become clear during May sweeps.” Grrr. Argh.
Pablo: But lots happened.
Bridget: Yes. “Lots happened.” Minimalist.
Bridget: Post it.
Theresa: My biggest revelation was Charlotte, or “Stoltzface”.
Theresa: Thanks Bridget/Neil – you have changed the way I see Charlotte forever. But, seriously – the first hour was mostly plot-heavy, action-heavy. I thought the second hour was a lot stronger.
Theresa: But I’m still concerned and a little sad that we may not get to see that single character episode anymore.
Bridget: I think they were really trying to rope new viewers in, even at this late date
Theresa: I loved that formula, except when it was a Kate/Charlie/most Jack-centric episode. I have a big soft spot for Hurley though. Not making a lame pun, either. He’s the heart of the show, I think. Comic relief, but he always has all this doubt and vulnerability in his soft, gooey center.
Theresa: I loved his little up-yours to Ben’s plan. I would’nt trust that beady-eyed bastard either, even if he is right. Ben’s gonna have to suffer the consequences for his selfish actions, maybe.
Pablo: Hurley is arguably the most important of all the Oceanix Six, and taking himself out of the picture was a ballsy move.
Bridget: Most important in what sense?
Pablo: He seems to be the nexus or link to most of the ‘supernatural’ events….the numbers, the dead people, etc. Like you say, he’s the heart of the show.
Theresa: Yeah, a man of importance underneath all the mean fat jokes.
Bridget: But Jack seems connected to the island like Locke is…I agree that Hurley is a major player.
Theresa: He’s the most normal person on the show in a way. How many heroic Jacks do you know, or charismatic hero-types like Locke?
Pablo: Jack and Locke are two sides to the same coin: the rational v. the supernatural. But they’re more totemic where Hurley is more of a conduit.
Theresa: And Sawyer’s a walking southern-fried stereotype.
Bridget: Right, which is why it’s so great that Hurley’s the one that doubts his sanity…the most sympathetic, easiest to identify-with character, and he might be crazy
Theresa: I agree.
Pablo: but we know he’s not, and he knows he’s not, judging by his conversations with his parents. He just finds that it’s the easiest way for him to avoid his role, or to take himself out of the picture, like he did with the cops tonight.
Bridget: Hugo’s always getting institutionalized, it’s true.
Pablo: All the Oceanic Six are avoiding, to one degree or another, really.
Pablo: Sun with her vendetta, Jack with his drugs, Kate playing mommy, Sayid playing ninja…
Theresa: Sun is the next most interesting member to me. She’s got a different purpose than the others.
Bridget: Sayid doesn’t “play”
Pablo: Oh, he plays when he wants to.
Theresa: So I’m more interested in the plot OFF the island.
Pablo: Yup. I’m finding that I really don’t care about anyone left on the island, except Faraday, really.
Bridget: Rose and Bernard?!
Theresa: Sawyer, Miles, and Faraday are the only people on the island that I really, really like.
Pablo: Nope. Bernard and Rose were pissing me off with their squabbling, and I’ve never liked Miles.
Theresa: I like Rose & Bernard as in I don’t wish them any harm, but they ain’t riveting.
Bridget: They’re the Fred and Ethel Merz of the Island!
Theresa: Oh no! I love Miles!
Bridget: It’s true. I really hope they don’t try to pair up Juliet and Sawyer as a couple. There’s nothing interesting down that road…
Theresa: Ken Leung’s a great character actor. Loved him on the Sopranos. He was in a movie where he played a 30 year old guy with a crush on Hayden Pannitiere. Little did anyone know that she LIKES 30 year old guys at the time… I can make Heroes jokes anywhere. But of course, I still think Juliet is marked for death in the island love square. Sawyer will dally with her for a bit, but he wants Kate. Jack wants Kate too
Pablo: neither of them will get her. Because she’s THAT girl.
Theresa: Juliet I predict will die in some lame self-sacrificing way that allows everyone else to be happy but her.
Bridget: Because Kate’s the sexy virgin mary
Theresa: Pretty much.
Pablo: There was something off about this episode. This whole off-island stuff makes the island stuff seem irrelevant.
Theresa: Yeah, I’m just not into Locke’s messiah schtick at this point in the show. Which is a shame because Locke was one of my favorite characters in season 1. Maybe the pacing just seems weird because it was two episodes back to back
Pablo: Well, it’s just that other than Locke and Faraday, there’s no one important on the island anymore. Sawyer’s just not important. He’s eye candy, but that’s it.