Stevie Chuckles’ Advice to New Writers
Part Two: After you’ve sold but before you’ve published
(Part One here.)
You are important. Your writing is important. You and your writing are more important than anybody else (and their crummy writing). Here are some behaviors you can embrace to accentuate your place in the writing universe.
- It’s hard for people to find the good stuff with all the crap that is published out there so be sure and send emails to everyone you know (but especially those you don’t know) to let them know about your upcoming work. You should also attach a very large, high definition video trailer for the work, explaining that the field of literature is about to be reinvented and invigorated, with all previous works cast into a dark shadow by the new shinyness that is you and your work. No little tiny grainy quicktime video will do. Production values matter. Make sure the attachment is sufficient length and sizein other words, GRAVITASto adequately clog their mailbox like half a roll of toilet paper in a public toilet. That way they are are sure to notice it.
- Be sure and go to rec.arts.sf and, in the middle of ANY conversation, post a comment as to how your upcoming story relates to the topic at hand. If it’s a bit of a stretch use similies. “My splatterpunk story relates to this conversation about elves like water mixes smoothly with oil.” Use metaphors. “The blood splattered walls of my story are the borders of Fairy.” Or, you can lie. “For a good story about elves, read my upcoming work in the anthology, SEX WITH THE DEAD.”
- Annonymously comment in people’s blogs about this upcoming story you were INCREDIBLY LUCKY to read. Again, you should loosely tie the subject of the post and comments into the story using similar methods to the ones above. Then show up as someone else and reinforce how wonderful the upcoming work is.
- Invite journalists to interview you as your work is about to be published. Since your genius transcends genres, feel free to pick venues that you might normally pass up. Model Railroader wants nothing more than to review a work with the driving narrative traction of six locomotives.
- You should follow up with Hollywood. After all, if they were all hot for you when they were just working with an idea (and your shiny personality) think how excited they’ll be now that you’ve finished something. They really admire people with initiative. So, finding out where they live, eat, or drop their children off for daycare is a good way to get their attention. I mean, its not as if you’ve got a camera or something. (But if you get any snaps of Angelina Jolie while doing this…just sayin’.)
*The above was part of my lecture at the 2008 Viable Paradise Writer’s workshop on Martha’s Vienyard. New writers are strongly encouraged to follow every step. It cuts down on my competition.