Please Stop Staring at My Delicious Head

from Off the Top of My Head: The Official Blog of the Headless Horseman

It’s supposed
to be scary,
you know.

But this morning
I rode by a little café,
and it said pumpkin bisque
was their soup of the day.
As I passed, the chef stared
in the creepiest way.

Heaven knows how the crows always find me.
Or the pigeons that fly by but sneak up behind me,
then poke in their heads
to pick seeds through my eyes.
And although I hate pigeons,
I really despise
how the crows go all Hitchcock,
and day turns to night
as they claw and they caw
and they snap and they bite
and then back to the branches
or god knows what place;
and the flapping’s like clapping,
the caws are applause
for my big, orange, delectable face.

And these grandmas
won’t leave me alone.
They surround me and talk
about muffins and bread.
Or they hound me with
piecrusts and poke at my head.
“It’s a good one,” they whisper.
I wish I was dead.

[j/k – Text and illustrations from FRANKENSTEIN TAKES THE CAKE, copyright © 2008 by Adam Rex, posted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. All rights reserved.]


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