Seriously, what the hell is that thing?
I raise the issue here because I want your feedback. If this little guy is more than just an everyday cryptid, more than just a previously unknown species or some sort of freakishly mutated cat, if it’s a scout—I’ve always believed that, should an alien invasion actually come to pass, SF fans are the ones to keep company with if you want to survive.
As we all know, those stodgy scientists, locked into their rigid, academic paradigms, simply don’t have the imagination to accept the paranormal or extranormal when they’re face to face with it, which is why they usually shout something like “But, that’s impossible!” before ending up as a blood-soaked pancake in the back of the lab, while their so-called mutant cat—in reality a flesh-eating, wall-crawling predator from the star next door—runs amok.
The geeks are always the first to figure out that an attack is afoot, and the first to figure out a countermeasure. I think it’s too much to hope that Tauky, as I’ve nicknamed him, and his kin are vulnerable to water, despite the fact that his corspe was found on the beach. That would be too easy. So let’s get logical about this. Let us know your thoughts about the following in the comments:
- Where is Tauky from? (Outer space is an obvious choice, but extra points for alternate dimensions, hidden nooks of the ocean floor, and “inner space.”)
- What are his alien powers? (Bonus points for counter-intuitive ones like “love.”)
- What is his weakness? (Whether or not he’s here to bring us love, we’re still going to cap his ass, so let’s figure out how.)
It’s probably a good idea to bookmark this post in case the Tauky attack actually occurs. That way, you can check back in the comments for advice from your fellow SF aficionados—on your EVDO-enabled laptop, during a break from running for your life. And remember, if you find a baby Tauky, no matter how cute it is, don’t lean in for a closer look.
Really, if you’re a nerd, you should know better.