In honor of our Star Trek Movie Marathon and May the 4th celebrations everywhere, please enjoy this excerpt of Star Wars vs. Star Trek by Matt Forbeck, out from Adams Media. Read on as he pits starship captains against smugglers, Jedi against Starfleet commanders, to see who will come out on top. Don’t miss our signed copy giveaway going on right now!
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Chapter 1
Men—Masters of the Universe
The men of Star Wars and Star Trek form the bulk of the heroes of both series. That’s partly because each series was created in the sixties and seventies, back when the women’s rights movement was just cresting, and part of it is due to the fact that the vast majority of people who consume science fiction—whether in film, book, comic, or game form—are young men. While more women and girls devour science fiction today than ever before, it’s still a field that boys and men dominate.
Despite that, both Star Wars and Star Trek did a lot to step outside of what their original audiences expected from them. Setting stories in a distant future (or a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away) forces a narrative distance between the viewer and the story. Filling that distance with fictional years allows viewers to be a lot more open minded and forgiving about strange new things (planets, civilizations, girls) than they might otherwise tolerate. That’s why the first interracial kiss ever shown on a U.S. television drama appeared on an episode of Star Trek—between Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhura. Even then, though, the two of them had to be telekinetically forced into locking lips.
The guys of Star Wars run the gamut from swashbuckling pulp heroes to yearning farm boys to wise teachers. The men of Star Trek, on the other hand, tend to be a bit more reserved, scholars rather than scoundrels, people sent out to explore the galaxy, not exploit it.
To figure out which of these people are the best at what they do, we’re going to pluck pairs of them from specific points in their times and pit them against each other.
The Wise Old Men: Ben Kenobi Vs. Captain Picard
With age comes wisdom, or so we should all be fortunate enough to discover if we’re lucky enough to live that long. Before the older men take their final voyage to the Undiscovered Country, they hope to bequeath a bit of knowledge to the heroes slated to take their places. Let’s take a couple of these wise men and pit them against each other to see how well they manage.
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Ben Kenobi Occupation: Crazy old wizard Datapoint: Actor Alec Guiness (Obi-Wan Kenobi) celebrated his sixty-second birthday while filming Star Wars: A New Hope in Tunisia/Tatooine. Snapshot: Obi-Wan Kenobi, as he was once known, has been hiding out on Tatooine for the past nineteen years, watching over Luke Skywalker from a distance. He’s led a solitary life, keeping himself and Luke secret from the Empire for that entire time. He appears to have succeeded, despite the fact that placing Darth Vader’s infant son with Vader’s own half-brother might have seemed a too-obvious hiding place. Kenobi’s ward doesn’t know him well at all, but Obi-Wan believes the boy will come through for him in the end. He holds on to that belief because he doesn’t have much else left. |
Captain Jean-Luc Picard Occupation: Starship captain Datapoint: Actor Patrick Stewart (Captain Picard) was forty-seven when he took command of the Enterprise in the Star Trek: The Next Generation pilot episode “Encounter at Farpoint.” Snapshot: When Picard assumes command of the starship designated NCC-1701-D, he takes on a new challenge with a fresh crew in the latest model of the Enterprise, the previous versions of which were all destroyed. Despite that unfortunate streak and his untested crew running a ship filled with 1,014 souls—including hundreds of civilians—Picard seems confident in his ability to mold his officers into the finest bridge crew in Starfleet. His primary protégé is Commander Will Riker, a career officer who serves as his second-in-command. |
Who’d Win?
Kenobi enters Ten Forward, the first known bar on any of Star Trek’s Enterprises, and asks around for a fast ship. Data states that the Enterprise maxes out at just shy of Warp 10, but that doesn’t mean anything to a man used to blasting his way through hyperspace.
“In how many parsecs can she do the Kessel Run?” Obi-Wan asks.
While Data tries to explain that a parsec is a unit of distance, not time, Picard comes in to confront the intruder. Kenobi waves a hand at Picard and then points to Data. He says, “That’s the droid you’re looking for.”
The strong-willed Picard ignores the Jedi mind trick and summons security to deal with the situation. Kenobi offers to buy Picard a drink, but this gesture means nothing at a bar at which the drinks are all free. It all goes bad when Lieutenant Worf puts a hand on Kenobi. Ben’s lightsaber leaps out, and Worf loses an arm.
Picard calls for the ship’s computer to wall off the part of the bar that Kenobi’s in with a force field. Stumped for a moment, Kenobi slices through the floor instead and disappears into the lower levels of the ship.
Result: Draw—for now.
Next: The Rash Young Men...
