May 18 2011 4:32pm
Astronaut Academy: Zero Gravity
For a good idea of the tone, check out this short list from Dave Roman, “14 Reasons Why School in Outer Space is the Best Kind of School.”
- In space, no one can hear you scream. Which is good if you are prone to getting reprimanded for loud outbursts.
- Underwater School is all wet. Yes, they have similar pressures, but being surrounded by a field of stars is much more inspiring than a bunch of fish.
- What happens in the airlock, STAYS in the airlock.
- Interdimensional School gets confusing, with so many overlapping classes and students.
- Anti-gravity gymnastics are great for tightening the abs and glutes.
- The further away from giraffes, the better! Those things are freaky.
- In space, “Astronaut Ice Cream” is just called “ice cream!”
- To compensate for the time difference from Earth, all holidays are celebrated in a single festival called the Universal Holiday. You can trick-or-treat, swap valentines, get presents, and paint eggs at the same time!
- Rocket science isn’t as hard as it sounds.
- No snow days, but classes may be canceled due to asteroid showers.
- Space is, like, the biggest playground EVER for recess.
- Guaranteed to always get great satellite reception.
- Taking finals while in space (the final frontier) gives a sense of permanence to your tests. Once complete, you know there’s nothing left to conquer.
- Space suits are way cooler than gym shorts.