May 19 2014 11:05am

Hey, Conan Didn’t Become King By Just Punching Camels

King Conan Arnold Schwarzenegger 2015 movie posterSo, Conan might be back? Arnold Schwarzenegger first started rumbling about a sequel last summer, and since then Legend of Conan has gained some traction, talk of a trilogy, and this snazzy poster, which debuted at Cannes last week! The poster even has a release date of December 2015, because clearly what is best in life is going to watch a sword and sorcery epic immediately after Christmas dinner.

So far all we know is that the movie will pick up with an aging King Conan wanting to get back to his old skull-crushing glory days! Producer Chris Morgan “is hoping to do for Conan what he did for the Fast and the Furious franchise” which, honestly, we’re not sure what that means. The film is being written by Andrea Berloff, who previously worked with Oliver Stone on World Trade Center. How do we feel about a new Conan trilogy? Is there a role for Brigitte Nielsen? Will this be the break from Star Wars news that we’ll all want by 2015? 

2. Ryamano
If they film the story of "The Phoenix in the Sword" or "The Hour of the Dragon" I'd watch gladly. Peter Dinklage as Volmana and Donald Glover as Toth-Amon. But I think they'll try to invent something else, that'll probably suck (like the last Conan movie).
3. mirana
So does anyone else see Tom Hanks on that poster? Or was it just me and the hubs?
4. Alkindus

Yep, I was getting on here to post the exact same thing.
5. wizard clip
@3.@4: Yeah, now that you mention it. Maybe this is really a stealth campaign for a sequel to "Twins," with Hanks as Schwarzeneggers and DeVito's long-lost triplet.
6. dreamshell
"Conan the Geriatric"

Haha, no, I'd see this movie in a heartbeat. So long as it's better than the Conan reboot...
Mike Conley
7. NomadUK
It at least has a vague connection to Oliver Stone, so maybe it won't suck too badly. Hard to imagine anything being better than the one and only (sequel? what sequel?), but, by Crom, if Arnold is in it and it pulls an 18 or at the very least a 12A rating, I'll have a go.
8. a1ay
It at least has a vague connection to Oliver Stone, so maybe it won't suck too badly.

Having seen "JFK" and "Alexander", I have to say that I am not following your logic here at all.
Geoff Mulder
Lols, awesome, can't wait.

Weird, I've often thought up sequels to Conan where he becomes powerful and stable and looks back on his glory days.

But, while we're in Cimmeria, can I just ask what - by Crom's balls - happened to Benicio del Toro's Red Sonja reboot which was slated to come out like 5 years ago? I was so looking forward to that, but then Rose McGowan appeared as an evil sorceress, thus destroying my hope of seeing her chainmail-clad curves fighting the good fight with an improbably large weapon.
*Sigh, Benicio, you and your promises...
10. Ryamano

Rose McGowan, who was supposed to play Red Sonja in that project, suffered a hand injury in an accident during the filming of another movie. Basically she can't use a sword anymore. Since she can't use that sword, she can't play action girls like Red Sonja, and Benicio del Toro wanted to do a Red Sonja movie only if it included her. In the end, Rose went to play the villainess in the Conan reboot movie, where she basically only uses her long fingernails as weapons (notice how this is less physically demanding).
11. a1ay
I will be unable to watch this film without thinking of Cohen the Barbarian...

"What is best in life?"
"Hot water, good dentishtry, and shoft lavatory paper."
Geoff Mulder
Oooooh, ok, thanks Ryamano, that clears it up - well not the debris of my shattered dreeams.
Damn, that sucks, poor Rose.

Also, giant face-palm for both of us. it was Robert Rodriguez. DOH!
13. Kaye
This is the stupidest comment ever, and I fully and absolutely admit it --- but I wish Conan could still be Jason Momoa, only the movie would be, you know, REALLY GOOD.
14. monolith
Kaye, you're not alone. You might be in a very small group, but you're not alone:)
That said, I'm really not judgey when it comes to the stories I'm unhealthily obsessed with. Make a movie of it and you can have my monies.

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