Mon
Dec 30 2013 11:00am

Pull Your Team Together for Some Classic Heist Stories!

The Italian Job

There is nothing quite like a great heist story for pure awesome escapism. You can create a fun and spine-tingling escape sequence, ala The Italian Job or Oceans Eleven. Or, you can be Breaking Bad, and use the format to break the audience’s collective heart. But in the end, they’re just about the teams, and the way all these weird skills like lock-picking, acrobatics, phone phreaking, and Cockney Rhyming Slang can come in handy in tight situations.

With some help from your answers on Twitter, here’s a list of some of the best capers in film, television, and literature!

The Italian Job and The Sting

The Sting

These are the classic, ur-heist movies that set the standards for the list that follows. In each you’ve got charismatic protagonists—Michael Caine’s Charlie Croker and Robert Redford’s Kelly Hooker respectively. You’ve also got truly vile villains, in each case an underworld kingpin whose hatred of the grifter quickly turns personal. The real psychological drama of these films isn’t about the heists themselves—which are intricately plotted and run like clockwork — but rather the protagonist’s own desire to pull off something extraordinary. In The Sting, the tension lies in Kelly’s mounting recklessness, and in The Italian Job, we get a literal cliffhanger and one of the greatest endings in film history.

 

The Dortmunder novels—Donald E. Westlake

The Hot RockJohn Dortmunder stole the motto on his family crest, and he chose well: “Quid lucrum istic mihi est?” (“What’s in it for me?”) is an excellent moral to live by if one is a thief. Dortmunder is a small-time “planner,” arranging heists with teams that are only as large as they have to be, and usually only scoring small amounts of money. Dortmunder’s in his early 40s, his hair is thinning, he almost never smiles, and he has two strikes against him already. But he’s been strong enough to star in 14 novels over the last forty years, so he has that going for him...

 

Neuromancer—William Gibson

NeuromancerWilliam Gibson’s landmark cyberpunk novel is also a heist story. Henry Case is recruited by Molly Millions to steal a ROM module for a mysterious man named Armitage. This caper’s a little different, though, because the module contains some unusual loot: the uploaded consciousness of a cyber-cowboy named McCoy Pauley. The whole theft is engineered so that Armitage can have access to the best possible hacker; I would never advocate a life of crime, but if you’re going to go black hat, doing it to steal someone’s consciousness for hacking purposes has a certain style to it.

 

The Usual Suspects

The Usual Suspects

Speaking of style... Bryan Singer’s second full-length film with writer Christopher McQuarrie pushed the elegance and verbal acrobatics of the movie so far that it didn’t really matter that the plot itself was pretty flimsy. Here the incredibly convoluted boat heist and loot (which changes from jewelry to heroin to cocaine to money over the course of Verbal’s story) really just serves as a skeleton for sharp writing and hilarious characterizations by Gabriel Byrne, Kevins Pollack and Spacey, and Benicio del Toro. By the end of the film we’re still not sure what actually happened, because Keyser Soze doesn’t really want us to. Some could see this as a flaw, but since this movie gave Singer enough of a name to go on to make the X-Men films, there will be no quibbling here.

 

Sneakers

Sneakers

Aww, this movie. This movie is so elegant, and so much fun, and it was written by the same guy who wrote Wargames, and Redford and Poitier are impossibly suave, River Phoenix is adorably nerdy, and the words “phone phreaker” and “conspiracy theorist” are used as compliments. Plus, Stephen Tobolowsky is in it! The basic plot centers on a pair of liberal former activists who get together for “one more heist” after twenty years. There’s lots of intrigue about whether one is betraying the other, how much they’ve each reformed, etc., but none of that matters. The important thing is that everyone on Redford’s team would be the nerdy tech guy in a normal movie, and they’re all lauded for being the nerdy tech guy. Not only is the film a solid piece of storytelling, it also celebrates intelligent people who use their wits.

 

Snatch

Snatch

Brad Pitt does his funniest work since True Romance, there’s some stuff about trying to track down a stolen diamond, a whole subplot about Irish bare-knuckle boxing, and some Irish Travellers who need to re-home their dahgs. There might be a plot under there somewhere, but does it really matter?

 

Ocean’s Eleven

Ocean's Eleven

It’s not even remotely genre, but this is the remake of the classic-but-not-nearly-as-good Rat Pack movie must be mentioned. George Clooney wanders around Vegas charming people and spontaneously healing them with his smile, while his team—who between them have pretty much every weird niche talent you wanted when you were ten years old—robs his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend’s casino. Then there were sequels which gradually diminished the returns, but the films are still notable for making Las Vegas look like the high-class, hedonistic wonderland it has never actually been.

 

The Lies of Locke Lamora—Scott Lynch

The Lies of Locke LamoraLocke Lamora’s whole life revolves around heists. As an infamous thief and the leader of a brotherhood called the Gentleman Bastards, he has to stay ahead of the law and, more importantly, the underworld. But when a coup threatens his career, his way of life, and everyone he loves, he has to find a way to outwit the powerful Gray King before he becomes a pawn in a larger game.

 

 

Mistborn: The Final Empire—Brandon Sanderson

MistbornThe Mistborn series begins a thousand years into the reign of a Dark Lord who was actually competent enough to vanquish the prophesied Hero. So, with a beginning like that, Sanderson could have gone anywhere, but he decided to graft a caper onto a fantasy structure. In his own words:

“I came into this book with two big ideas for the plot. The first was that of a heist story, like Sneakers or Ocean’s Eleven involving a gang of gentlemen thieves who each had a distinctive magic power. I wanted to tell the story of how their different magics and abilities worked together for them to pull an incredible caper.”

 

Breaking Bad, “Dead Freight”

Breaking Bad Dead Freight

Oh, Vince Gilligan, why do you hate us so much? Or possibly love us? We don’t even know anymore. “Dead Freight” is a stand-out BB episode, wherein Walt, Jesse, and Todd blockade a train in order to siphon methylamine from its tank. But, this is Breaking Bad, so what begins as a sort of tense and exciting escapade turns into an examination of Walt’s desperation, and ends on a heartless—but necessary?—act. Yay, humanity! Come on, Vince Gilligan! Would it have been so harmful to your vision to give us a Mini Cooper chase through the desert instead?

 

There was no way to fit everything in this list, so let me know about your own favorite fictional heists in the comments!

17 comments
flapdragon
1. flapdragon
The remake of The Italian Job. Seth Green's turn as an uber-hacker surely qualifies it as genre. :) (Note: The original might be just as good or better, but I've never seen it.)
flapdragon
2. NinthWanderer
The 1970s film The Great Train Robbery with Sean Connery and Donald Sutherland remains one of my favorite heist flicks.
flapdragon
3. parabola
I will always love Inception so much, simply because I view it as a brilliant take on the straightforward heist movie.
David Gunter
4. spdavid
Love Sneakers,always try and catch it when it pops up on tv.
flapdragon
5. Vole
I wasn't interested in the first four but Fast Five was a very silly heist movie which I enjoyed a lot.

On TV both Hustle and Leverage were great fun, entire series based around heists.
Del C
6. del
Half the episodes of Firefly, including "Trash".
lodewijk jadwigo
7. jadwigo
Usually I score 40% or less on these kind of lists. Now I only have to read The Dortmunder novels to make this the first list of bests/worsts/anythings in media I actually completed.

Based on the rest of the list I have to. Thanks Leah
Mike Scott
8. drplokta
Inception, the best SF heist movie of all time.
flapdragon
9. FinnyD
Now You See Me and Gone in 60 Seconds.
James Veitch
10. JamesDamadan
The BBc series Lovejoy should be included. It was ostensibly a mystery series but there was a con going on in most episodes. One two-part episode had Lovejoy, played by ian McShane, getting an irreplacable religious artifact from special guest star Mako to con the other special guest star Brian Blessed. "When Captain Ahab hunted Moby Dick he didn't use little pigs as bait. Now, is you in or is you ain't?"
Mike Conley
11. NomadUK
Basically every episode of Mission: Impossible. And, I suppose, the (inferior) films as well.

Heat.

Thief.

Less impressive, but fun: How to Steal a Million. Topkapi. The Doberman Gang. Who's Minding the Mint?.

I simply can't imagine sitting through the remake of The Italian Job. It would be like watching that worthless remake of Psycho: there could be no point whatsoever.
Melita Kennedy
12. melita
Daniel Keys Moran's The Long Run for a hip, cool main character, Trent, before he became the Uncatchable, and a relentless, powerful antagonist, Mohammed Vance.
flapdragon
13. harmonyfb
There've been a couple of good heist books the last year or so - the incredibly fun Star Wars: Scoundrels by Tim Zahn (oh, Han Solo, how I love reading about your smart, scoundrel-y ways), and The Palace Job by Patrick Weekes (wizards! unicorns! acrobats! and a daring heist at the heart of power - really, what else could one want?)

I wish there were more genre 'heist' novels.
Chris Nelly
14. Aeryl
I recall this time, playing a tabletop Buffy RPG, I bugged my DM for a heist quest, because I had designed my Slayer with Faith and Gwen Raiden in mind, but wasn't getting to utilize those things.

He spent weeks designing it, setting traps, plotting out roll results. Then, at the last second, we decided to have our witch cast a spell disguising our identities, and they rolled a 20. Our disguises were SO GOOD, we didn't trigger any of the traps, we just walked in and walked out. The most anticlimactic heist EVAH.

I love Sneakers, especially how Whistler deduces where they kidnapped Robert Redford, because it sounded like a cocktail party. It was released when I was still in adolescence, so I didn't really understand at the time HOW political it was.

And dirty Brad Pitt does things to me that are best left unsaid, so I have to say Snatch is one of my faves.
flapdragon
15. tatterdemaliontasche
The Thieves is an excellent Korean diamond heist flick. Genre fans should check it out, along with its predecessors, The Big Swindle, and Tazza: The High Rollers.
flapdragon
16. Jbux
The Spirit Thief is a fun and entertaing fantasy heist story.
flapdragon
17. harmonyfb
Jbux, thanks for the Eli Monpress recommendation! ::thumbs up:: I can't believe I'd never even heard of it before.

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