Mon
Jul 1 2013 1:00pm

True Blood Season 6, Ep. 3 review: “You’re No Good”

True Blood Eric

On a rather chatty episode of True Blood, there’s a whole lot of nuthin’ going down until the last five minutes. I have higher hopes for next week, but I won’t lie: I needed a prescription from Lafayette to keep my eyes open during this one.

Except when Billith acts like a total tool.

That was pretty good.

Eric

We knew the Governor’s daughter Willa wasn’t a good little girl. She’s more than just sympathetic to vampires, but I bet only the hot ones makes her feel extra friendly. I always kind of wondered how differently we’d perceive Eric if he looked like Steve Buscemi. If vampire-Steve Buscemi wanted to bite your lady bits and suck on your finger, you’d probably be deeply disturbed by this. But, when Eric Northman is teasing you and playing hard to get, it’s the first vaguely sexy moment to happen on True Blood in some time. Too bad I’m not totally feeling Eric this season. He (or his writers, more like) resorts to repeating himself, loudly, to get his point across. To be fair to his insubordinates, his battle plan against the Governor isn’t really coming together just yet. If kidnapping Willa won’t stop her father’s plan, I don’t think turning her into a vampire would sway him either. So what should Eric do with her?

Sookie

“You’re dead to me!” shouts yet another man at Sookie. Will Bill’s declaration last as long as Jason’s? When Bill entered Sookie’s home without an invitation, it seemed like a good scene after 45 minutes of not much happening. How is synthesizing fairy blood good for vampires, really? Sure, it can make them impervious to the sun for a few hours which can prevent Bill’s friends (and frenemies) from burning at the Governor’s hands. But it also makes vampires insane. But if humans can make anti-glamour contact lenses, I’m sure Bill can work out the kinks in Tru Blood 2.0. Maybe Sookie should’ve offered a trade: get Billith to kill Warlow in exchange for some fairy blood to protect her friends. Or maybe if Bill asked Sookie nicely, he’d have gotten a sample. But instead he was an asshole and threw a dish with his Billith powers.

We’ve seen the Stackhouse kitchen way messier. You can do better than this, True Blood. Sigh.

More of a potential threat to Sookie is Niall’s new recruit, Ben. We haven’t seen Warlow yet, so we can’t rule out that Ben isn’t him. Or working for him. When Niall found the remains of a fairy massacre, there was unusual blood at the crime scene, too. And Ben showed up injured out of nowhere and Sookie invited him in. And Ben can feel Sookie’s mind even though other fey aren’t able to. That’s certainly unusual.

Pam

A moment of silence for Fangtasia, especially the last meaningful look at Eric’s empty throne. Remember first season Eric? When he wore a long wig and sat up in his chair glowering over the club like a disgruntled goth in the food court of a mall? I loved that Eric. Loved the invite scene at Ginger’s house. “It’s okay, Ginger, I understand. You’re stupid.” Ha. Poor Ginger.

Jessica

Does it really matter what she did this episode when she was dressed like that? (I scoured Google for pics, but no luck at press time. Unbelievable fail, HBO.) I mean, that was pretty much the plan. And it worked like a charm. And, hey, it was Mister Wu—doing his best George Takei voice—she was seducing. Glad to see he’ll be in at least another episode or two. Hang-dai, fucking Wu.

True Blood Jason Sookie

Jason

Is no longer crazy and racist. Okay. Thanks for clearing that up. This episode was 90% exposition and about 80% of it wasn’t really satisfying. Better luck next week.

Lafayette

Okay, so I guess his story is just to help Sam because reasons. Heartfelt reasons of loyalty and friendship, but not really compelling character motivation. I want to see an episode that just shows life in Bon Temps from Lafayette’s point of view.

Alcide

So there’s really no reason to like the werewolves anymore at all, is there? Murderous kidnappers. Alcide is a crappy pack leader. His girlfriend doesn’t even listen to him anymore. And she’s really bad with kids. I don’t know who has the right to Emma. We know she wants to stay with Sam, but Martha is her blood and probably has more legal rights. Not that any wolf or shifter can really go to the law these days.

Sam

This is quickly becoming the most boring storyline on the show. Sam spent most of last season chasing Emma. Here he is doing it all over again. I’m a bit curious about the Unity people. Nicole has some chemistry with Sam and her boyfriend is a total dork who was maybe disemboweled by wolves. What’s her agenda, really?

Bill

I LOL’d. Hard. Billith stepped into the sun (like he does, oh, EVERY SEASON) and made like the overcooked ham he already is. Stephen Moyer is at his best when he’s making us laugh at Bill’s earnest intensity. Only, I’m not quite sure we’re meant to laugh. Oh, but I did. So, he’s God and knows everyone’s fetishes? Or is it intel? Or just a needed plot device. Ugh. This. Episode.

Now we know why Andy’s daughters need to age so fast—so Bill can steal their blood.

Man, Vampire Bill is such an asshole.

True Blood Sarah Steve

Steve!

The highlight of the episode was clearly the reunion between Steve and his ex-wife Sarah. I’m a bit worried Steve will be tortured and trapped in the Dreadfort for an entire season, but if it means Sarah can come back and taunt him some more, I’m down. She’s back with bigger hair and she’s bringing her tempting pudding to politics. What if Sarah’s the real threat behind the Governor?

 

Next on True Blood: Shit happens. Maybe only the thirty seconds’ worth that we’ve seen in the previews, but still.

True Blood airs Sundays at 9P.M. E/PT on HBO.


Theresa DeLucci is a regular contributor to Tor.com, covering True Blood, Game of Thrones, and gaming news. Follow her on Twitter @tdelucci

12 comments
sofrina
1. sofrina
Dreadfort. Hilarious. I was sure Newlins' widow would taunt him that she's slept with Jason and he hasn't. Guess she didn't know about his crush. When was Jason racist? We have seen no such evidence in the history of the show, have we? How come no one knows exactly who invented Tru Blood? Who the heck owns the patent? Bill's plan has merit as far as desperate plans go. But when did Andy mention his children are half-Fae? Also, can't vampires smell Fae blood? None of the locals have caught of whiff of the Bellefleur quads in the air? Especially Nora who is zooming all over town.

I don't buy Ben. He moved to Bon Temps to put down roots? As though he hasn't read a newspaper in the last few years? He has no car. Where does he live? Work? Eat? I like your idea that he might be a Renfield of Warlow's. Holly's sons are ridiculous. They're practically grown men. Old enough to show up to target practice themselves, old enough to split this crazy town. Martha's home is a one-room shack with bunkbeds and no kitchen? Alcide lived in a nicely decorated two-story house. What is with these wolves? Alcide is a crappy packmaster. He controls exactly no one. Are they going to have less problems with all the forensic evidence of those murders all over their den than they would have by simply destroying all the evidence and intimidating the coeds? (Dumbest college kids ever.)

Lafayette and Sam need to come to their senses. Haven't they both had enough supernatural drama recently? Go home and get some sleep.
sofrina
2. crystalv
Yeah, let's all just thank our lucky stars that Eric looks like Alex Skarsgard. I mean, that whole finger licking scene? Good Lord. That was more than vaguely sexy to me. Had to laugh at poor Billith catching fire, though. I guess his powers have some limits after all. That's good to know.
sofrina
3. crystalv
Sofrina, I think Jason meant he was "racist" against vampires--which he has been, throwing around "fanger" quite a bit. Would that be more speciesist? Not sure. And yeah, those college kids should really have done their homework. If they had, they would have known that wolves hate vampires, so showing up and saying you're with the VUS won't exactly get you the welcome matt roled out for you.
Theresa DeLucci
4. theresa_delucci
Maybe I would've found it sexier if I was more into Willa as a character. I dunno. She looks like Nora and she's not quite selling me on the innocent act.

Also I am grumpy that the episode in gernal was silly and dull. /grump
sofrina
5. Gardner Dozois
I thought this was the weakest of the three episodes so far this season--a disappointment, since I'd thought the season was off to a fairly good start.

There was something off about the dialog in this episode; either it was badly written or badly directed, perhaps both, because it sounded clunky and awkward in the mouths of actors who usually handle dialog very well. It sounded dumb and labored rather than smart/funny, something I've rarely felt about this show, whatever other problems it had.

I don't think the new show-runners/writers quite have a handle on some of the characters yet. I ended up more annoyed with Sookie than Bill during the Sookie/Bill confrontation. Her reaction seems very out of character--Bill played the right card initially: if you don't co-operate to save them, Tara, Jessica, and Eric will die (she might not care that much about Pam), but she didn't seem to care, odd since she has strong connections with all of them and had risked her life for Jessica just a couple of episodes ago. You'd think, considering this, that she would have gone along with Bill's plan, reluctantly, perhaps, but she's gone along with sillier and more extreme plans to save them before. She didn't even ask why he wanted the blood, or how much of it he wanted. Her blank refusal to listen or talk about the situation was annoying, and didn't seem much like Sookie.

Bill can use his new superpowers to break a plate. Scary!

I don't trust Ben, and I'm beginning to increasingly wonder if either he IS Warlow or is in cahoots with him somehow; Sookie directs him to the Fairy Club, and when Niall gets there the next day, everybody inside is dead (how come that mob of fairies couldn't fight Warlow off, and if they couldn't, how are Niall and Ben supposed to?) and Ben is still wandering around outside, suspiciously near to the scene of the crime. And Sofrina is right--what was he doing wandering around near Sookie's house in the first place? Where does he live? Where does he work? He doesn't have a car? (Sookie, of course, doesn't ask him any of these questions.)

I fear that this season is going to demonstrate the same problem as Season Five--the threat is too localized. Five or six vampires in Louisiana are going to get burned to death. Sad for the vampires and their friends, but that leaves all the millions of other vampires in the world unscathed. You'd think that Lilith would have a wider view; I can see her being concerned with saving ALL vampires; saving five or six in Louisiana, not so much. Hasn't she been planning all this for thousands of years?

The college students and the VUS were just cannon-fodder, a plot device to get Sam out in the woods with Nicole, who is clearly going to be his new Love Interest, just as Willa is clearly going to be Eric's new Love Interest.

Eric gets most of the best lines and best screen time this time. I must admit that part of me wants Sookie to end up with Eric, not Ben, who I don't particularly like.

Let's hope they up their game with the next couple of episodes.
Alan Brown
6. AlanBrown
While the episode had its weak points, I was kind of glad for a bit gentler approach to the story. There was a little bit of humor, a few sweet moments, and some teasing us with mysteries. Sometimes the bombastic action, action, action approach gets tiring to me. And I think the character Willa works better with men than with women, because right now all we know is that she is pretty, and seems to be vaguely sympathetic to vampires. So, if characters have you at pretty...
sofrina
7. Petar Belic
Ben = Warlow = Yawn.

I did love "Vampire Bill's" suntan though. And Jessica's fan-service did raise a smile, even my wife laughed.

Come on, True Blood. You can do it!
sofrina
8. Kirkland
Any episode without Arlene and Terry is always a good episode in my book. This one may not have been the best ever but it had some good moments. I feel like Any Balfour is setting up to be a hero this season. May have put a UV bullet in Bill if he gets close to his daughters.
sofrina
9. Gardner Dozois
I'm not sure how synthisizing Fairy Blood is going to save the vampires. Is Bill going to give it just to the ones he saw burning in his vision, to make them more resistant to the light?

It also occured to me that what Sookie SHOULD have done is to tell Bill that she'd co-operate and give him some of her blood if HE'D take out Warlow. A win-win. But Sookie was too dim to think of this.
sofrina
10. sofrina
too true, @9, sookie is 100% reactionary and not much of a planner. somehow i'm surprised jason hasn't thought of this, being the more action-oriented of the two. even in his profoundly anti-vamp state. i also think you're on the money about the characterizations being off. erik doesn't really seem like himself either. and pitting pam against erik is a poor choice. instead of this petulant bitching they should return to the their smooth team of mr. suave and sister snark.

the whole notion of putting vampires under curfew, just when their non-human food supply is running low seems like lunacy. why would vampires comply? how would hungry vampires comply? i'm kinda hoping bill will head for the tru blood factory and try to get a deal to distribute the new stuff to as many as possible. he must have access to the authority's deep pockets. i'd think he'd try to get underground distribution - free of charge - to as many a possible. but the synthesis alone could take months.
sofrina
11. Gardner Dozois
IS there a Vampire Authority anymore, or was it destroyed in the explosion of the building? You'd think that there would have to have been other headquarters in other countries, if not in other states, but in another example of the odd lack of a broader vision that afflicts this show, apparently nobody is going to mention them.

I'm still not sure how synthisizing Fairy Blood is supposed to save the vampires from the human war against them. (And is this going on only in Louisiana? Are the vampires in Maine perfectly okay? What about the vampires in France, or England, or Russia?

Somebody else elsewhere suggests that what's wrong with Jason is that he's beginning to turn into a were-panther at last, and I certainly hope that that's not true, especially now that the sweet, befuddled Jason is back. I'm really hoping they don't kill him off.
Constance Sublette
12. Zorra
Finally an episode -- it only took a season plus 3 eps -- without everyone walking around covered in blood and ick.

The Authority = Buffy's the Initiative? Including experimenting heartlessly upon demons supers? to build human's own super weapons? H0-Hum. Except, we're in Louisiana, where really crazy is yanno just the norm for anything.

In the meantime Sooky's new potential Romance is named Ben = Buffy, season 5?

Lost our story-telling way True Blood show runners?

The one really good thing is Jessica. She's grown, enormously. I.e. she's changed and matured.

Everybody else is stuck.

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