Wed
Oct 31 2012 3:00pm

Theories on What Star Wars: Episode VII Could Be Like

Theories on What Star Wars: Episode VII Could Be Like

With word of Disney acquiring Lucasfilm yesterday also came the shocking news that George Lucas is giving up Star Wars. In a move that almost seems like a public break-up, Star Wars is now someone else’s problem, and not its creator’s. Does this mean the Star Wars brand is about to get better or worse? And what of the Episode VII talk? While it seems unlikely any sane person would actually attempt to make a sequel to Return of the Jedi...what if they did? Here are a few of the scarier, more ridiculous ideas we’ve cooked up...let’s see if you can do any better, Hollywood!

 

Expanded Universe Books as Movies

The Star Wars universe has spawned dozens of novels that could easily be used as fodder for upcoming films—but would that be wise? In certain cases it could be a fabulous idea; the creation of Coruscant was not an invention from Lucas, rather it came from Timothy Zahn’s mid-90s books. In that instance, it worked well for Star Wars, but what if they did make the choice to use that playground as the basis for new movies? What if we were given young Obi-Wan Kenobi begging Qui-Gon to train him, or tiny Solo children when they’re kidnapped in The Crystal Star? Or Han’s weirdo lookalike cousin, Thrackan Sal-Solo? What if we had to deal with two trilogies of films detailing the tedious Yuuzhan Vong invasion? Would anyone watch Star Wars films after that?

 

Remake Star Wars in Its Entirety

If Star Wars is going to hold onto its status as a modern myth, then this was always a distinct possibility. One of the most notable aspects of any mythology is its constant reinvention; it’s part of the reason why superhero tales easily fall into the category. Could Star Wars be remade? We admit that it’s not likely for the 2015 film, but in, say, 20-30 years, we’d say it’s a definite possibility.

And what happens then? Does Darth Vader get a makeover? Do the prequel plots get paired down and simplified? Do the scripts get grittier and hit closer to home, the way the BSG reboot did? We have to admit that some of these ideas could really work for Star Wars in the long run...we just hope they keep away from it for now. It’s not the best show of faith to completely reinvent a franchise as soon as you’ve gotten a hold of the reins.

 

Star Wars: The Rebellion House

If they wanted to handle the same characters from the original trilogy, but go in a different direction tonally, why don’t they make a comedy in space? Let’s show Han, Luke, and Leia in their golden years, playing pranks on lots of aging aliens and telling their whippersnapper grandchildren just what saving the galaxy was all about. Then you could get all the original actors back and just mess around. Think The Golden Girls, but on Alderaan II and with more interesting costumes (though we suspect Blanche’s clothes were probably imported from the Star Wars wardrobe department, back in the 80s).

 

Step Up: Star Wars-style

We figure an old-fashioned musical is too passé for Star Wars now, so why don’t they capitalize on those Step Up dance films? It would give them a perfect excuse to recast the original crew as young hotties and fill the whole thing full of pop music. Observe:

She’s a princess who needs to convince the galaxy to throw off the bonds of tyranny. He’s a rogue who uses his dance troupe as a means to smuggle goods across the Empire’s territory. She’s not fond of his contraband or his methods, but in him she sees the opportunity to change people’s minds...through the power of dance. Calling her brother (a wicked DJ raised on a remote, boring desert planet) to join in on the fun, they work together to show the Emperor—a man so uptight, he’s never even listened to Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack” the whole way through—that his reign is coming to a close.

 

Star Wars Episode VII: Raiders of the Lost Dinosaur Planet

Every wondered what killed the dinosaurs? Well, it wasn’t an asteroid. Instead, it was yet another Death Star prototype, hijacked by Sith extremists. In this storyline, set many years after Return of the Jedi, an aging Luke Skywalker (they pay Mark Hamill tons of money) is leading a Battlestar Galactica-style convoy between galaxies in the hope of finding a new source of food. There’s been a big famine in the galaxy and everyone is on the run! Luke will have an awesome squad of hotshot young Jedi all played by really hip Hollywood actors like Zoe Saldana, Taylor Kitsch, and for some reason, Owen Wilson. Their main ship is actually a converted Death Star prototype, which they’ve renamed...THE LIFE STAR. They’ve painted it white, too, and it’s beautiful.

But of course, there are Sith extremists lead by Cillian Murphy who hijack THE LIFE STAR just as the crew finds a suitable planet in a distant galaxy with awesome resources. The planet is, of course, Earth, during the dinosaur times, and a huge battle ensues on its surface with Jedi riding actual dinosaurs while fighting Sith with lightsabers. (The Owen Wilson Jedi is like the comic relief Jar-Jar character here.) Tragically, the superlaser on THE LIFE STAR is reactivated, which ends up destroying all life on Earth. Wait—too much of a downer?

No, it’s okay! Because Leia and Han are there, too, and Leia is pregnant! And she goes into labor right before everything terrible happens. After the baby is born, Lando realizes that they can put the infant into carbonite, keeping the little boy safe for millions of years. Insanely, everyone agrees to this and Han and Leia’s baby is frozen in carbonite and buried in a cave.

Cut to 1898, and the same cavern is being excavated. We hear a baby crying and man says, “Dr. Jones, you have to come look! It’s a baby boy!” Then a totally CG-ed YOUNG Sean Connery (think Jeff Bridges in TRON: Legacy) steps in and holds the baby up.

“Hello, Junior…”

Cue Star Wars music with hints of Indiana Jones theme.

 

So, there you have it—just a few ideas to get the wheels a-turnin’. If you’ve got a best-case or worst-case scenario for the future of Star Wars, let us know in the comments!


Stubby the Rocket is the mascot of Tor.com. Stubby just needs to know where the send its headshot for Star Wars 7 casting.

29 comments
David Betz
1. RDBetz
Raiders of the Lost Dinosaur Planet? GENIUS! Genius, I say! This film must be made! Spare no expense!
Margot Virzana
2. LuvURphleb
Stubby how could you?
Yuuzhan vong war tedious?
It was awesome.
Legacy of the force- tedious.
Fate of the jedi- omg tedious
New jedi order- super cool
Jeff R.
3. Jeff R.
I'll go with "junk the entire EU and start up a new story a couple generations down the line."

The EU has really been broken since the Prequels came out anyhow. (Actually, it's been broken from the moment they decided to fan-pander Boba Fett back to life and make him central to almost everything, but when the Prequels gave him a 'real' backstory that was largely incompatable with the one the Mary Sue version in the EU had accumulated, the cracks began to spread. Also, the EU has taken on a fatalist mood that is incompatible with the spirit of Star Wars, and that's not a trend that looks to get better ever considering the Ostrander's Legacy books are locked-in.)
Ashley Fox
4. A Fox
LOL This was just on C4 news. Had the credits roll up SWs style, then a breif lightsaber battle before the weather :)

Personall I would quite enjoy a golden years style...
Christopher Turkel
5. Applekey
Disney can't possibly screw this up worse than Lucas did with the prequels.
Lisamarie LiGreci-Newton
6. Lisamarie
@3 - "Also, the EU has taken on a fatalist mood that is incompatible with the spirit of Star Wars, and that's not a trend that looks to get better ever considering the Ostrander's Legacy books are locked-in.)" - yes, I totally agree. I haven't been that thrilled witht he post NJO EU (or even the NJO itself) so I would laugh a little if it got totally disregarded.

Number 2 in this list (the remake/reboot option) is the worst case scenario in my opinion, I really don't want to see a 'grittier' Star Wars, etc. Although I think the mythology point is kind of interesting...but I guess I'm just not ready for that yet ;)

Your last choice is pretty awesome though - I'd love to see Cillian Murphy as a Sith. And Owen Wilson, hahahah.
That being said, I kinda wish there weren't going to be anymore.
Jeff R.
8. Tesh
I would love to see the NJO jettisoned. It's way too bleak, pessimistic and dark. It's a product of the idiotic "darker, edgier" trend of the late 90s.
Jeff R.
9. Cecrow
We need a (reasonably) logical continuation, more reflection of the themes, something that works in today's market, new opposition that provides space battles and lightsabre duels, and a chance for old cast cameos (at the very least).

At the end of ROTJ we've got a universe with only one person who knows how to use the force, and planets full of everybody else who just endured years of tyranny under a force-weilding psychopath. Luke may be a hero as a pilot, but the universe at large can't be too aware of his lightsabre confrontations with Vader and the Emperor. I figure if anyone using the Force - Jedi or Sith - doesn't become outlawed, I'll eat my hat. Bunch of trouble causers, the lot of them.

Now you can have Jedi in a kind of vigilante super-hero role - perfect for today's market. Luke Skywalker has disappeared, no one knows where. The Republic-rebuilding political stuff is happening the background (because it's boring, as we learned from the prequels), but we've got an up and coming Sith who sees no opposition and thinks he can strong-arm his way via a Mafia approach into controlling things behind the scenes - he (she?) figures out Palpatine had it all wrong, the right approach is to stay out of the spotlight. It's Leia and Han's two kids who figure out the evil plan (Leia conveniently died in childbirth or something; maybe Han's still around, if Harrison Ford will take the call). They're self-taught Jedi - not too good yet, because we need growth. One of them goes undercover to confront the Sith guy. The other uses a clue that Leia left behind to seek Luke Skywalker; probably starting on Tatooine, not because it's logical (Luke hates the place) but because it'll play well. He could fight a Krayt Dragon, do some spaceship battling with Sith-affiliated pursuers, etc. (aided here by Han, if he's around: "Lemme show you how it's done, kid.")

End the movie with a Sith-Jedi duel on the one hand that turns the Jedi, and a resolution to the search for Luke on the other that brings back Mark Hamill in a mentor role, setting us up for a sequel where the Sith and his new apprentice are getting the upper hand politically while Luke and his apprentice try to restore the Jedi's reputation.
Jack Flynn
10. JackofMidworld
As much as I liked the Star Trek reboot, I agree that trying to do that to the originial trilogy would be an awful idea. I, for one, would like to see some of the EU stories on the big screen. Yeah, they're a bit darker in tone, but so was The Empire Strikes Back, right?

Everybody that I hear from seems terrified that it's Disney that owns the name now, but don't they also own this other brand name? Oh, jeez, what's it called, they came out with that little movie over the summer? The one with the green guy and that blonde dude? I'm sure it'll come to me, just give me a minute...

(PS: making Indiana Jones the son of Han Solo is epic. Can't wait for the fanfic version of that to hit the net)
Douglas Freer
11. Futurewriter1120
If they ignored the EU I can see another film working. If they don't then it'll be a logical nightmare. They would have to make sure there are no contradictions to the EU. Also if they apply real-world aging for the heros, the timeline it would start is already bleak. Chewie dead, Leia and Han's kids fighting each other, the Sith are universe-wide menaces now, the Emporer keeps coming back one way or another. There's just no way they can reference the EU for another film.

Me I would put it in the Infinities Era since eveything in that era is meant to be non-canon to everything. Think those what if stories Dark Horse released a few years back. I even plan on writing my own sequel trilogy someday, but it won't focus on Luke, Leia, Han, and the rest of the gang. It would be more about the rebuilding of the Republic, tracking down the remains of the Empire, bringing the Order of the Jedi back to it's true glory, finding true balance to the force. More or less it would be a Star Wars nerd book written for Star Wars nerds.
Lisamarie LiGreci-Newton
12. Lisamarie
This is only my opinion, but I don't want to see any more Sith - both Sith were destroyed, part of the point of the arc is that the Sith are gone. Unless you want to say Vader had a secret apprentice, but that particular plot point always kind of bugged me (and is a part of my gripes with the current EU timeline).

I think there are plenty of other things that could be done (including other 'dark' Force users) without a rehash of the Sith, although I suppose somebody could try to 'resurrect' it. But I just don't want to basically see the same old, same old. The Jedi won this round, so let's move on to some new challenges instead of rehashing the old ones. I'd like to see what it means to bring balance to the Force though, I like 11's ideas :)
Douglas Freer
13. Futurewriter1120
Thanks Lisamarie. It'll probably be quite a few years before I even start on my sequel trilogy though.
One point I don't agree with though is that there are only two Sith. Even when watching the movies I felt there had to be more than just two at any given time. If there really are one two Sith at any given time, then I could see during my story have some crazy lunatic trying to bring it back, just like in Prince Caspian when a hag, werewolf, and gnome tried to bring Jadis back.
I do agree that the Sith don't have to be the villains though. The Legacy comics have an organization of Dark Jedi that take up Sith names so I don't know if they count as Sith or not. Sometimes it just seems a bunch of these comic writers and book writers want to stay in the same pool and not expand beyond Sith being villains. I see it more likely to have the remants of the Empire try to strike back with a new head honcho, who does not use the Force. It just seems more realistic to the Star Wars universe than saying blowing up the second Death Star= End of the Empire.
Lisamarie LiGreci-Newton
14. Lisamarie
Haha, have you ever seen the Robot Chicken skit about the second Death Star battle? Well, let's go get a massage!

I guess I just felt that the EU (especially Legacy of the Force) basically 'undid' everything that was accomplished in the movies. Like, within 30 years, everything sucks again, the Sith are in control again, etc. I would have liked to see some different threats. And I haven't read the Legacy comics but they sound kind of depressing, haha. I guess that is more like 'real life' - as Tolkien said, everything is just one long defeat that we must keep fighting against. But sometimes I like things to be a little more escapist.

I do feel in general the EU did a decent job on showing that there WAS still a lot to do afterwards (I particularly enjoyed the X-Wing novels). Although there were definitely some crazy books too (ie, the Solo kids get kidnapped by renegade Dark Jedi a bajillion times). And I actually liked the idea of the Imperial Remnant hanging around and eventually having a little more integrity (hopefully) under Palleaon.

The ending of Legacy of the Force though, with you know who taking over the Galactic Alliance (don't want to spoil if anybody hasn't read it). OMG. Just ridiculous, hahahahaha. And actually, towards the end of that series it did sound like there was this theme of suspicion towards Force users that was going to be coming up in the future books (I haven't read the Fate of the Jedi series yet).
Jeff R.
15. denari6
I would love to see the Zahn trilogy on film. Some of my favorite star wars characters need to be on the big screen. Mila J for Mara Jade anyone? Arnold the Man for Admiral Thrawn...who to caste for Talon Karde?
F Shelley
16. FSS
i hope they ignore the whole expanded universe and tell a good story.
Jeff R.
17. Cecrow
We need a (reasonably) logical continuation, more reflection of the themes, something that works in today's market, new opposition that provides space battles and lightsabre duels, and a chance for old cast cameos (at the very least).

At the end of ROTJ we've got a universe with only one person who knows how to use the force, and planets full of everybody else who just endured years of tyranny under a force-weilding psychopath. Luke may be a hero as a pilot, but the universe at large can't be too aware of his lightsabre confrontations with Vader and the Emperor. I figure if anyone using the Force - Jedi or Sith - doesn't become outlawed, I'll eat my hat. Bunch of trouble causers, the lot of them.

Now you can have Jedi in a kind of vigilante super-hero role - perfect for today's market. Luke Skywalker has disappeared, no one knows where. The Republic-rebuilding political stuff is happening the background (because it's boring, as we learned from the prequels), but we've got an up and coming Sith who sees no opposition and thinks he can strong-arm his way via a Mafia approach into controlling things behind the scenes - he (she?) figures out Palpatine had it all wrong, the right approach is to stay out of the spotlight. It's Leia and Han's two kids who figure out the evil plan (Leia conveniently died in childbirth or something; maybe Han's still around, if Harrison Ford will take the call). They're self-taught Jedi - not too good yet, because we need growth. One of them goes undercover to confront the Sith guy. The other uses a clue that Leia left behind to seek Luke Skywalker; probably starting on Tatooine, not because it's logical (Luke hates the place) but because it'll play well. He could fight a Krayt Dragon, do some spaceship battling with Sith-affiliated pursuers, etc. (aided here by Han, if he's around: "Lemme show you how it's done, kid.")

End the movie with a Sith-Jedi duel on the one hand that turns the Jedi, and a resolution to the search for Luke on the other that brings back Mark Hamill in a mentor role, setting us up for a sequel where the Sith and his new apprentice are getting the upper hand politically while Luke and his apprentice try to restore the Jedi's reputation.
Jeff R.
18. Cecrow
Sorry, I was trying to post a new comment and it posted a repeat of my old one, for some reason (?)

Check out Wikipedia for some links to interesting updates; folks are doing a good job there. EU doesn't seem to be in the cards.
Alan Brown
19. AlanBrown
I like all the jokes running around about the Lucas/Disney deal, but all kidding aside, I am looking forward to seeing what they come up with. My heart is with the first trilogy, because that is where I started, but there is lots and lots of great stuff that has followed it. I loved the Rogue Squadron books and comics and the X wing game, the Zahn stuff, Tales of the Jedi. Some stuff I didn't enjoy as much and didn't follow, like the later novels. But I have no problem with more Star Wars movies. I hope they ignore the expanded universe stuff, and film the next three movies from Lucas' original ideas for what those movies would be. If the right people are scripting, directing and acting, these new movies could be lots of fun.
Tim Marshall
20. smaug86
The EU needs to be completely disregarded for any new SW films.; It's a hackneyed patchwork of logical nightmares at this point. Moving to the next generation with an appearance or two of older Luke, Leia and Han would be the wisest, most logical course, but keeping with the fun, wondrous spirit of the original trilogy. It doesn't need an edge or darkness to it, outside what you would normally see in a story where death and destruction appear alongside action and adventure.
Jeff R.
21. Doctor Thanatos
Logically:

Disney owns LucasFilms
Disney owns ABC
ABC shows Once Upon A Time
Once Upon A Time shows the Disney version of classic stories

How long before Rumple sics the Death Star on Storybrooke?
Liz J
22. Ellisande
@21 Jane Espenson tweeted minutes after the news broke that "now we can have Han in OUAT, right?", so she's way ahead of you. :)

As for using the former cast, I'm going to go with no. I know people love Harrison Ford, and so do I, but he was terrible in that Cowboys-Aliens movie. And even with Spielberg directing him in Crystal Skull he was phoning that one in half the time. So maybe a cameo, but that's honestly about all he should be in it, if at all.

Personally I think they should just recast anyway. If Disney intends to make Star Wars an 'evergreen' property, it makes more sense to treat the characters more like James Bond or superheroes, and less beholden to one particular incarnation. I'd certainly rather have new actors than weird CGI de-aging, or forcing the story to take place far in the future just to accomodate the original actors being decades older.
Douglas Freer
23. Futurewriter1120
@14 I have seen the Robot Chicken episode, but it's been a while.
I agree that everything does bottom up after a few years. Having the Sith and Empire come back all the time is redundant. It would be like if the nazis regrouped after WWII and tried to strike back at the Allies.
The rest is a reason why my story would be in the Infinities Era since I don't want to reference anything that's not in the movies, not even the Clone Wars TV show, except for things like the names of species and planets.
john mullen
24. johntheirishmongol
I, too, am not sure exactly where you take the franchise, but I sure don't mind the attempt. Assuming we are looking at recasting, you pretty much have to go with unknowns, or barely knowns, for the cast.
Jeff R.
25. Dr. Thanatos
two words (more or less):

Emperor vs Rumple

"Feel the power of the Dark Side, my young apprentice"
"I don't think so, dearie...hee hee hee!"
Sky Thibedeau
26. SkylarkThibedeau
I'm Seeing the "Black Hole" with Star Wars characters. Ack!
Marcus W
27. toryx
I just want to see them do a complete remake of episodes I-III. Anything else doesn't particularly interesting me, but it's hard to imagine them doing a worse job of the prequels.
Michael Gill
28. pegasusdba
Indeed, the prequels turned upside down the whole attitude of what we thought Star Wars was, more goofy and violent, less intellectual.
But there are many books out there with many ideas Disney could use.
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Jeff R.
29. Bobawow
Yuuzhan Vong all the way!

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