Dec 21 2011 2:00pm

The Wheel of Time Roundtable, Final Week: All Singing! All Dancing!

Welcome to the final installment of the Wheel of Time Roundtable! In this weekly mini-series we’ve asked a panel of Wheel of Time experts a number of questions that look at the upcoming final volume in this long-running fantasy series: A Memory of Light and beyond.

We’ve looked at the threat of the Shadow, the threat of everybody else, postulated on what may happen after A Memory of Light, made a wishlist of things we want to see in the final book, and thought about what legacy the Wheel of Time will leave behind.

And you know what? We’re a bit tired of thinking right now, so in this final installment we’re going to imagine what The Wheel of Time:
The Musical!
would be like. Moo ha ha!


The “question” was:

Throw out some numbers from a Wheel of Time musical!


Leigh Butler:

  • I Got Sacrificed and Ferried To Avalon and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt [Rand]
  • Hound Dog [Perrin, Faile]
  • Lady Luck [Mat, Tuon]  (duh)
  • Mind the Gap… OF DEATH (The Traveling Song) [ensemble]
  • Dream a Little Dream A’dam On Me [duet, Moghedien and Mesaana]
  • Snakes and Foxes On A Motherf****ing Alternate Plane [Thom, Noal, Mat, Moiraine]
  • Stayin’ Alive (The Song) [The Bee Gees]
  • Seriously, The Bee Gees? [The Tinkers, ensemble]
  • Virtual Insanity [Ishamael/Moridin, Lews Therin, Rand]
  • I’m So Ronery [The Dark One]
  • La La La (I’m Not Listening) [The Creator]
  • Leave Me Alone [Lan]
  • Dammit [Lan]
  • Me and Him [Slayer]
  • Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves [Nynaeve, Elayne, Min, Egwene, Aviendha]
  • Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne cover) [Lanfear/Cyndane]
  • I’ve Got Something in My Front Pocket For You [Balthamel/Aran’gar]
  • Dead Man’s Party [Asmodean]
  • I’m Not Compensating For Anything At All [Taim]
  • Toxic [Padan Fain]


Matt Hatch:

  • Moghedien the Librarian
  • Elayne and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Rod
  • Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise
  • Supercallandorexpectingnarishmasobvious
  • My Lace Cuffs Will Go On
  • Look at Me, I’m Fain, I’m Mordeth, I’m Fain, I’m Mordeth
  • Fortuona Matata
  • Let’s go Fly a To’raken
  • Bore Necessities
  • Shaidar Haran and the Seven Trolloc
  • Perrin and the Faile
  • A Funny thing Happened on the Way to Tar Valon
  • Bair
  • Any Angreal Will Do
  • No One Mourns the Forsaken
  • The Nae’blis and I
  • Nae’blis on Their Minds
  • Total Eclipse of the Dragon
  • The Dragon and His Wives
  • Dancing Through Tear
  • Springtime for Ishy


Jason Denzel: Ya’ll are crazy. This is why I do film.


Leigh Butler writes this very site’s long-running and deep-cutting Wheel of Time Reread. (And the Song of Ice and Fire Read.)

Jason Denzel heads the internet’s premiere comprehensive Wheel of Time fansite: Dragonmount.

Matt Hatch heads the Wheel of Time online think tank: Theoryland.

Margot Virzana
1. LuvURphleb
Awesome. Hey i would love to create the wheel of time LEGO game for wii. It would be like lego star wars but BETTER.
Maybe rand and the dark one have a dance off in this musical.
DA Ford
2. Ford75
I love you guys!

I would totally buy this sound-track and go to multiple showings of this!
Dr. Thanatos
3. Dr. Thanatos
Balthamel: "I Love Being A Girl"
Any High Blood: "Hair"
Cyndane: "Big, Blonde, and Beautiful"
Perrin: "If I Had a Hammer"
Mat: "Luck, be a Lady tonight"
Valentin M
5. ValMar
Lol... Not into this kind of stuff but I found myself chuckling reading down the list...
Chris R
6. up2stuff
As I submitted once before when discussing each character's theme song:

Jimmy Buffet, Volcano (Rand)
Chris R
7. up2stuff
Oops, Oops.

Damn, Damn.

Double, Double

Post, Post
Dr. Thanatos
8. Mndrew
I always am assigning theme songs to people:
Mat - "Queen of Spades" by Styx.
Lanfear - "Lady Evil" by Black Sabbath
Halima - "Always a Woman to Me" by Billy Joel
Demandred - "Irene" by The Goo-Goo Dolls
Egwene - "Get This Party Started" by Pink
Min - "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndie Lauper
Moridin - "The Mob Rules" by Blue Oyster Cult
Rand - "I got 99 problems, but a Bitch Ain't One." Hugo cover
Dr. Thanatos
9. Mndrew
Oops, typo'ed it. That should be "Iris" not "Irene" by the Goo Goo Dolls.
Sujay Naik
10. simoquin
A few more... I think I mentioned a couple buried back in posts of the re-read...
Desert Rose ( Aviendha )
A Thousand Years ( Mat )
All This Time ( The Wheel )
Highway Man ( Lews Therin / Rand )
11. graftonio
Balthamel/Aran’gar - I Kissed a Girl, Katy Pery
Rand - The Trooper, Iron Maiden
Man in the Box, Alice in Chains
Mat - Dance with Jak o' the Shadows or as it's known in this world Ace
of Spade, Motorhead
Perrin - Boys Don't Cry, The Cure
The Dark One - Master of Puppets, Metallica
Min, Elayne, Aviendha - If You Wanna Be My Lover, Spice Girls
Lanfear - Bad Reputation, Joan Jett
Taim - Pretty Fly(For a White Guy), The Offspring
craig thrift
12. gagecreedlives
Moridin - Back in Black (ACDC)
Lanfear – Bang Bang (Nancy Sinatra)
Ebou Dar – House of the Rising Sun (Animals)
Thom – Piano Man (Billy Joel)
Galad and Berelain – White Wedding (Billy Idol)
The Blight – Through the Never (Metallica)
Fain – The Thing that Should Not Be (Metallica)
Perrin – Born to be Wild (Steppenwolf)
Tylin – Mrs Robinson (Simon and Garfunkle)
Mat – Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood (Animals)
Demandred – Who Are You (The Who)
Asha Men – Thunderstruck (ACDC)
Graendal – Satisfaction (Rolling Stones)
Loial – Take Me Home (John Denver)
Children of the Light – Murder Inc (Bruce Springsteen)
Dr. Thanatos
13. Lsana
Rand-"Wheel in the Sky" (Journey)

I would have thought someone would have suggested that before now.

A variant on "Takin' it easy" might also work well for Rand. I'm mulling it over in my mind.
Dr. Thanatos
14. Taryntula
Ditto on "Wheel in the Sky"...that was my first thought!
Dr. Thanatos
15. dlinderholm
Forsaken Song
Detachable Penis
Turning Malkieri
Paint It Black
Red & Black
In My Life
Little Old Lady From The Aiel Waste
Nowhere Man
Sympathy for Ba'alzamon
Damon Garner
17. IrishOmalley
Music Video - The entire Wheel of time series done to AHA's "Take on Me."
April Moore
18. aprildmoore
@simoquin, quite liking "Desert Rose" for Aviendha!

Some other great suggestions in the comments too: Steppenwolf, Wheel in the Sky, Who are You (lol). Very clever.

I had a couple of suggestions from my Lanfear playlist (yes, I have a Lanfear playlist; what of it?):
You're heart is as Black as Night - Melody Gardot. Check it out here:
(Don't be afraid; I'm not Fife. :-) )

Also, for the whole series in general, but especially the Seanchan:
Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

Other songs from my list:
Beautiful Stranger (Madonna)
Who Wants to Live Forever? (Queen)
The Pretty Things are Going to Hell (Bowie)
Ain't No Rest for the Wicked (Cage the Elephant)
She's Got Baggage (John Fogerty)

Merry Christmnas everyone! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, here's hoping we all have a fantastic 2012!
19. Randommer
'Supercallandorexpectingnarishmasobvious'. LOL.

'In the End' by Linkin Park could actually have been written about Rand/LTT.
'As Long As You Love Me' by Backstreet Boys for Mat and Tuon. Shut-up.
'Bloody Mary' by Lady Gaga for Lanfear. No seriously.
'Disappear' by Evanescence for Min and Rand.
'Forsaken' by Katatonia (the metal band) for the Forsaken :-P
And like a bazillion others.

Also, hello! Longtime lurker.
Dr. Thanatos
20. Angelique Sedai
That's gold - brilliant stuff everyone! I'd totally watch the musical and listen to the soundtrack day in, day out.
Dr. Thanatos
21. Wortmauer
Guys, guys — what about sticking to the actual theme — showtunes, not just random pop music. So, e.g.,
"The Hills Are Alive," Rolling Ring of Earth and Fire mix
"Poor Fel is Daid"
"Seventy-Six Lopar"
"Fain the Knife"
And surely at some point, if Rand, Mat and Birgitte are together, they will sing "Memories."

(Venturing into pop music, I have to think at Elayne's coronation ball, the bard will compose and perform "Dancing Queen.")
Stan Kinderknecht
22. sdkinder
Does anyone know/remember the song Patterns by Simon and Garfunkel? I think it could be the overall anthem for WoT. Heck, its name, alone, is rather suggestive, isn't it? With its strong beat and dark, jarring voice, not to mention its theme of our lives etched in/dictated by Patterns and our (in)ability to change them, it really is the story of WoT.

Actually, though, I really think it should be Verin's theme. It is told from the voice of one person who has done what she needs to do in the darkness, ultimately accepting her fate as described/directed by the Pattern.
Dr. Thanatos
23. David DeLaney
And one more -
Hole In The World (Ensemble, Dark & Light)
with the verses by Moridin, and Aviendha

Dr. Thanatos
24. Taryntula
For showtunes, these off the top of my head:

"Get Me to the Church on Time" from My Fair Lady (Mat, obviously)
"Agony" from Into the Woods (Mat, Perrin, Rand are complaining about not understanding women)
"Masquerade" from Phantom (Ishy/Moridin w/ Darkfriend ensemble)
"Sisters" from White Christmas (White Tower ensemble)
"How are things in Emond's Field" adapted from Finian's Rainbow (for Tam al'Thor, Master Cauthon, and Perrin)

I like the "Memory" suggestion...dead on :)

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