
Illustration by IdiotsâBooks
Perry ground his teeth and squeezed his beer. The idea of doing this in a big group had seemed like a good idea. Dirty Maxâs was certainly full of camaraderie, the smell of roasting meat and the chatter of nearly a hundred voices. He heard Hilda laughing at something Lester said to her, and there were Kettlewell and his kids, fingers and faces sticky with sauce.
Lester had set up the projector and theyâd hung sheets over one of the murals for a screen, and brought out a bunch of wireless speakers that theyâd scattered around the courtyard. It looked, smelled, sounded, and tasted like a carnival.
But Perry couldnât meet anyoneâs eye. He just wanted to go home and get under the covers. They were about to destroy Freddy, which had also seemed like a hell of a lark at the time, but nowâ
âPerry.â It was Sammy, up from Orlando, wearing the classic Mickey-gives-the-finger bootleg tee.
âCan you get fired for that?â Perry pointed.
Sammy shook his head. âActually, itâs official. I had them produced last yearâtheyâre a big seller. If you canât beat âem... Hereââ He dug in the backpack he carried and pulled out another. âYou look like a large, right?â
Perry took it from him, held it up. Shrugging, he put down his beer and skinned his tee, then pulled on the Mickey-flips-the-bird. He looked down at his chest. âItâs a statement.â
âHave you and Lester given any thought to where youâre going to relocate, after?â
Perry drew in a deep breath. âI think Lester wants to come to Orlando. But Iâm going to go to Wisconsin. Madison.â
âYouâre what now?â
Perry hadnât said anything about this to anyone, not even Hilda. Something about this Disney exec, it made him want to spill the beans. âI canât go along with this. Iâm going to bow out. Do something new. Iâve been in this shithole for what feels like my whole life now.â
Sammy looked poleaxed. âPerry, that wasnât the dealââ
âYeah, I know. But think about this: do you want me there if I hate it, resent it? Besides, itâs a little late in the day to back out.â
Sammy reeled. âChrist almighty. Well, at least youâre not going to end up my employee.â
Francisâwho had an uncanny knack for figuring out the right moment to step into a conversationâsidled over. âNice shirt, Perry.â
âFrancis, this is Sammy.â Francis had a bottle of water and a plate of ribs, so he extended a friendly elbow.
âWeâve metâshowed him the bicycle factory.â
Sammy visibly calmed himself. âThatâs right, you did. Amazing, just amazing.â
âAll this is on Sammy,â Perry said, pointing at the huge barbecue smoker, the crowds of sticky-fingered gorgers. âHeâs the Disney guy.â
âHence the shirts, huh?â
âExactly.â
âSo whatâs the rumpus, exactly?â Francis asked. âItâs all been hush-hush around here for a solid week.â
âI think weâre about to find out,â Perry said, nodding at the gigantic screen, which rippled in the sultry Florida night-breeze, obscured by blowing clouds of fragrant smoke. It was lit up now, showing CNNfn, two pan-racial anchors talking silently into the night.
The speakers popped to life and gradually the crowd noises dimmed. People moved toward the screen, all except Francis and Perry and Sammy, who hung back, silently watching the screen.
ââguest on the show is Freddy Niedbalski, a technology reporter for the notorious British technology publication Tech Stink. Freddy has agreed to come on Countdown to break a story that will go live on Tech Stinkâs website in about ten minutes.â The camera zoomed out to show Freddy, sitting beside the anchor desk in an armchair. His paunch was more pronounced than it had been when Perry had seen him in Madison, and there was something wrong with his makeup, a color mismatch that made him look like heâd slathered himself with Man-Tan. Still, he was grinning evilly and looking like he could barely contain himself.
âThank you, Tania-Luz, itâs a pleasure.â
âNow, take us through the story. Youâve been covering it for a long time, havenât you?â
âOh yes. This is about the so-called âNew Workâ cult, and its aftermath. Iâve broken a series of scandals involving these characters over the yearsâweird sex, funny money, sweatshop labor. These are the people who spent all that money in the New Work bubble, and then went on to found an honest-to-God slum that they characterized as a âliving laboratory.âââout came the sarcastic finger-quotesââbut, as near as anyone can work out was more of a human subject experiment gone mad. They pulled off these bizarre stunts with the help of some of the largest investment funds on the planet.â
Perry looked around at the revellers. They were chortling, pointing at each other, mugging for the camera. Freddyâs words made Perry uncomfortableâmaybe there was something to what he said. But there was Francis, unofficial mayor of the shantytown, smiling along with the rest. They hadnât been perfect, but theyâd left the world a better place than theyâd found it.
âThere are many personalities in this story, but tonightâs installment has two main players: a venture capitalist named Landon Kettlewell and a Disney Parks senior vice president called Sammy Page. Technically, these two hate each othersâ gutsââ Sammy and Kettlewell toasted each other through the barbecue smoke. âBut theyâve been chumming up to one another lately as they brokered an improbable deal to shaft everyone else in the sordid mess.â
âA deal that youâve got details on for us tonight?â
âExactly. My sources have turned up reliable memos and other intelligence indicating that the investors behind the shantytown are about to take over Disney Parks. It all stems from a lawsuit that was brought on behalf of a syndicate of operators of bizarre, trademark infringing rides that were raided off the backs of complaints from Disney Parks. These raids, and a subsequent and very suspicious beating of an ex-Disney Park employee, led to the creation of an investment syndicate to fund a monster lawsuit against Disney Parks, one that could take the company down.
âThe investment syndicate found an unlikely ally in the person of Sammy Page, the senior VP from Disney Parks, who worked with them to push through a plan where they would settle the lawsuit in exchange for a controlling interest in Disney Parks.â
The anchors looked suitably impressed. Around the screen, the partiers had gone quiet, even the kids, mesmerized by Freddyâs giant head, eyes rolling with irony and mean humor.
âAnd thatâs just for starters. The deal required securing the cooperation of the beaten-up ex-Disney employee, who goes by the name of âDeath Waitsââno, really!âand he required that he be made a vice president of the new company as well, running the âFantasylandâ section of the Florida park. In the new structure, the two founders of the New Work scam, Perry Gibbons and Lester Banks are to oversee the Disneyfication of the activist rides around the country, selling out their comrades, who signed over control of their volunteer-built enterprises as part of the earlier lawsuit.â
The male anchor shook his head. âIf this is true, itâs the strangest turn in American corporate history.â
âOh yes,â Freddy said. âThese people are like some kind of poison, a disease that affects the judgement of all those around themââ
âIf itâs true,â the male anchor continued, as if Freddy hadnât spoken. âBut is it? Our next guest denies all of this, and claims that Mr Niedbalski has his facts all wrong. Tjan Lee Tang is the chairman of Massachusetts Ride Theorists, a nonprofit that operates three of the spin-off rides in New England. He is in our Boston studios. Welcome, Mr Tang.â
Freddyâs expression was priceless: a mixture of raw terror and contempt. He tried to cover it, but only succeeded in looking constipated. On the other half of the split-screen, Tjan beamed sunnily at them.
âHi there!â he said. âGreetings from the blustery Northeast.â
âMr Tang, youâve heard what our guest has to say about the latest developments in the extraordinary story of the rides you helped create. Do you have any comment?â
âI certainly do. Freddy, old buddy, youâve been had. Whomever your leak was in Disney, he was putting you on. There is not one single word of truth to anything you had to say.â He grinned wickedly. âSo what else is new?â
Freddy opened his mouth and Tjan held up one hand. âNo, wait, let me finish. I know itâs your schtick to come after us this way, youâve been at it for years. I think itâs because you have an unrequited crush on Suzanne Church.
âHereâs whatâs really happening. Lester Banks and Perry Gibbons have taken jobs with Disney Parks as part of a straightforward deal. Theyâre going to do research and development there, and Disney is settling its ongoing lawsuit with us with a seventy million dollar cash settlement. Half goes to the investors. Some of the remainder will go to buy the underlying titles to the shantytown and put them in a trust to be managed by a co-operative of residents. The rest is going into another trust that will be disbursed in grants to people operating rides around the country. Thereâs a non-monetary part of the deal, too: all rides get a perpetual, worldwide license on all Disney trademarks for use in the rides.â
The announcers smiled and nodded.
âWe think this is a pretty good win. The rides go on. The shantytown goes on. Lester and Perry get to do great work in a heavily resourced lab environment.â
Tania Luz turned to Freddy. âIt seems that your story is in dispute. Do you have further comment?â
Freddy squirmed. A streak of sweat cut through his pancake makeup as the camera came in for a closeup. âWell, if this is true, Iâd want to know why Disney would make such a generous offerââ
âGenerous?â Tjan said. He snorted. âWe were asking for eight billion in punitive damages. They got off easy!â
Freddy acted like he hadnât heard. âUnless the terms of this so-called deal are published and subject to scrutinyââ
âWe posted them about five minutes ago. You could have just asked us, you know.â
Freddyâs eyes bugged out. âWe have no way of knowing whether what this man is saying is trueââ
âActually, you do. Like I say, itâs all online. The deals are signed. Securities filings and everything.â
Freddy got up out of his seat. âWould you shut up and let me finish?â he screamed.
âSorry, sorry,â Tjan said with a chuckle. He was enjoying this way too much. âGo on.â
âAnd what about Death Waits? Heâs been a pawn all along in this game youâve played with other peopleâs lives. What happens to him as you all get rich?â
Tjan shrugged. âHe got a large cash settlement too. He seemed pretty happy about itââ
Freddy was shaking. âYou canât just sell off your lawsuitââ
âWe were looking to get compensated for bad acts. We got compensated for them, and we did it without tying up the public courts. Everybody wins.â He cocked his head. âExcept you, of course.â
âThis was a fucking ambush,â Freddy said, pointing his fingers at the two coiffed and groomed anchors, who shied away dramatically, making him look even crazier. He stormed off the stage, cursing, every word transmitted by his still-running wireless mic. He shouted at an invisible security guard to get out of his way. Then they heard him make a phone-call, presumably to his editor, shouting at him to kill the article, nearly weeping in frustration. The anchors and Tjan pasted on unconvincing poker-faces, but around the BBQ pit, it was all howls of laughter, which turned to shrieks when Freddy finally figured out that he was still on a live mic.
Perry and Sammy locked eyes and grinned. Perry ticked a little salute off his forehead at Sammy and hefted his tee. Then he turned on his heel and walked off into the night, the fragrant smell of the barbecue smoke and the sound of the party behind him.
He parked his car at home and trudged up the stairs. Hilda had packed her suitcase that morning. He had a lot more than a suitcaseâs worth of stuff around the apartment, but as he threw a few t-shirtsâincluding his new fake bootleg Mickey teeâand some underwear in a bag, he suddenly realized that he didnât care about any of it.
Then he happened upon the baseball glove. The cloud of old leather smell it emitted when he picked it up made tears spring into his eyes. He hadnât cried through any of this process, though, and he wasnât about to start now. He wiped his eyes with his forearm and reverently set the glove into his bag and shut it. He carried both bags downstairs and put them in the trunk, then he drove to just a little ways north of the ride and called Hilda to let her know he was ready to go.
She didnât say a word when she got in the car, and neither did he, all the way to Miami airport. He took his frisking and secondary screening in stoic silence, and once they were seated on the Chicago flight, he put his head down on Hildaâs shoulder and she stroked his hair until he fell asleep.
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VIEW ALL BY · Monday December 28, 2009 09:04am EST
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Rob
Tuesday December 29, 2009 12:38pm EST
I love the illustration for this installment.
Wednesday December 30, 2009 08:29am EST