D&D Potions You Can Actually Drink

Thu
Sep 17 2009 5:41pm

D&D Potions You Can Actually Drink

Yeah, that’s right. Dungeons & Dragons Spellcasting Soda (or, if you prefer, Magic: the Gathering soda). What else is there to say? It’s exactly what you think it is: Soda for nerds. I can’t believe how much I want some. The Illithid Brain Juice looks particularly appealing.

As a diet soda addict, of course, I’m looking for Elminster’s Elixir of Eliminating Empty Calories or something. I mean, I see that the Potion of Healing is sugar-free, but how many calories does it have? Hasn’t Mountain Dew done enough damage to the collective gamer waistline?

Or if that stuff isn’t quite right for you, there’s also the Chaotic energy drink, based on the Chaotic collectible card game. It’s described thusly: “a nutrient-infused, natural health product with no artificial colours or flavours. ... Fueled with natural energy from green tea extract, and loaded with vitamins, antioxidants and functional herbs.” My, that DOES sound healthy. Take that, D&D soda! (I’m skeptical, of course, that drinking any of these things will do anyone any good, not that that stops me from drinking 5-7 Diet Pepsis a day.)

Once you get them all, maybe you can store them in one of these rare R2D2 Pepsi coolers.

But speaking of Star Wars, now that I think about it, I want some Star Wars soda. How did George Lucas miss THAT marketing opportunity? Or if not Star Wars, I at least want a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster cola or something. (Yeah, I know it’s supposed to be an alcoholic drink, but I don’t drink, and I want to drink something called the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, damn it.)

What about you guys: What kind of SFnal drink do YOU want to drink in real life?

Hat tip to TheJordache and Topless Robot for alerting me to these wonderful drinks.

John Joseph Adams (www.johnjosephadams.com) is an anthologist, a writer, and a geek. He is the editor of the anthologies By Blood We Live, Federations, The Improbable Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, The Living Dead (a World Fantasy Award finalist), Seeds of Change, and Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse. He is currently assembling several other anthologies, including Brave New Worlds, The Living Dead 2, The Mad Scientist’s Guide to World Domination, and The Way of the Wizard. He is also the assistant editor at The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction.

7 comments

1. R.Fife

view all by R.Fife | Thursday September 17, 2009 05:53pm EDT

First, I feel compelled to link two Penny Arcade strips semi-related to this:

N-Air-G and Gamer Grub

That being said, I have always thought the Mana Potion looked pretty nifty as an energy drink.

Put on the whole, yeah, I'd rather go the J. Henninger route and make the stuff myself, which I actually used to do back when I ran Hero Quest sessions. Mainly was twisted variants of rootbeer floats, but it was fizzy and looked like a brew, so it worked, amiright?

2. pmbruce

Thursday September 17, 2009 05:58pm EDT

God. There's nothing that makes you feel your total nerd-hood more than when you see something totally ridiculous and know that you want it anyways.

On that note, I loved Jones soda when I was a kid. You can still customize a picture on the label with your favourite flavour if you want to, I believe.

3. euphrosyne

Thursday September 17, 2009 08:33pm EDT

I came here to link the Mana Potion, but Fife beat me to it. Jones soda (which is cool and all) still looks like Jones soda, but the Mana Potions look right at home on a table filled with character sheets and dicebags.

4. Stefan Jones

Friday September 18, 2009 12:00am EDT

This should make me feel happy and validated, but it is about thirty years too late.

I got my first D&D stuff in High School . . . 1977 or so. I carefully covered all of my game books with paper covers so I wouldn't have to explain what I was reading. It was bad enough that I was reading. Admitting I played a game about trolls and wizards would be only a little better than admitting a deep carnal passion for opossums.

But . . . wow. Role playing game soda. We have arrived!

5. toryx

view all by toryx | Friday September 18, 2009 08:51am EDT

This is the first of the Jones soda flavors that I've seen in years that appeal to me at all. Not that I'm actually going to buy any of it.

I'm looking forward to seeing blogs about them, though.

And I'm sorry, but the only way I'd ever drink a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster is if it's loaded with alcohol. Someday, someone will make it and I'm there.

6. Schizohedron

Friday September 18, 2009 12:43pm EDT

As IRL science fictiony drinks go, I regret that I was unable to sample a Warp Core Breach at Quark's Bar @ the Star Trek Experience in Vegas. Granted, it was more or less a dry-ice-infused cousin to a Scorpion Bowl, but hey.

From science fiction itself—Does roleplaying count? During and after college, I was part of a long-term Star Wars: The RPG campaign. Seeing as half of our missions involved meeting someone or gathering in some of the galaxy's worst bars (where would RPGs be without that plot macro?), we eventually began ordering fictional drinks in character, which the GM would play along with. Favorites I can recall were the Ithorrian Sunrise and — what was probably close to our game-universe's Gargleblaster — the Stormtrooper's Enema. When my (human) Failed Jedi character ordered one of the latter, the bartender/GM reeled back and said, "Naw, you don't want one of them, only Wookiees can handle those!" I think I had to make a Detoxify Poison Force-skill check to survive after downing it. At least I was well-anesthesized for the inevitable bar brawl!

7. jonathaw

Friday September 18, 2009 01:12pm EDT

I feel the need to also point out Tentacle Grape Soda in this collection of geek-y soft drinks: http://www.tentaclegrape.com/

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