Mon
Dec 8 2008 5:45pm

Read Quickly, I Have Little Time Here

If there were a microphone, I would tap on it; if my device had a keyboard, I would blow the dust out from between the keys and run my fingers over the symbols.  I have seen your computers in memorial halls.  Physical typing must be fun.  Is it fun?  Can you understand my text?  (We were afraid the Second Great Vowel Shift would interfere with written communication as well, but recent reconstructions indicate that the worst damage is done to spellings originating in the former British Empire and all derivations of the transitive verb “wii.”)

But I wander; it’s fairly easy to do with this implant, and I don’t think they’ve worked all the kinks out of the newest model.

Ahem?

Greetings, denizens of the 21st Century Internets!  (I could only find the one.  Are there more? The question has been plaguing historians for several years now …but there I go again.)  I come to 2008 with a warning!  Heed me!  Had I a kettle drum, I would beat it!  My research shows that you will interpret its sound as ominous.  (I wrote a paper on it, actually.)

ittehbittehkittehcommiteh sez I will gets u for dis indigniteh DO NOT WANT BAFFTIME!

Excuse me, pastlings.  My frequency OH NOES is becoming compromised.  Soon I will be found and recalled to my own CHEEZBURGER time, but, in the end, my message is simple: beware of the LOLcats.  Do not give them power.  If you save yourself, perhaps you will save me— all of us—from a fate worse than BASEMENT CAT.  Hoard copies of the Oxford English Dictionary as if your lives depended on

>>ur transmishin been eated…

>>re-caption?


This message brought to you by Dresden Codak. Original image by Flickr user seier+seier+seier, CC-licensed for commercial use. Remixed by a wily time traveler.

8 comments
Tudza White
1. tudzax1

Hd  yr hd,  wld bt t gnst  wll rptdl. Stp wstng ppl's tme wth ths rbbsh.

GeekDad42
2. GeekDad42
tudzax1,

Why the negativity? I thought it was pretty funny.
Bridget McGovern
3. BMcGovern
Wow...disemvowelling, Lolcats and John Titor all in one post? If we throw in a video of the Star Wars Kid being Rickrolled by Leeroy Jenkins, do we win some sort of magical Internet jackpot, or will the cyber-ouroboros just keep swallowing its own tail (in the Chocolate Rain)?

In any case, I like it :)
Irene Gallo
4. Irene
">>ur transmishin been eated…" makes me laugh
but "I wrote a paper on it, actually." makes me laugh harder. I don't know why.
GeekDad42
5. klagor
"Wow...disemvowelling, Lolcats and John Titor all in one post? If we throw in a video of the Star Wars Kid being Rickrolled by Leeroy Jenkins, do we win some sort of magical Internet jackpot, or will the cyber-ouroboros just keep swallowing its own tail (in the Chocolate Rain)?"

I came for this. I was not disappointed.
Bruce Cohen
7. SpeakerToManagers
WARNINGCAT is WARNING. OH NOES! You be CHEEZBURGER soon!

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